Can’t relax

I never thought of what you suggested actually. Yeah I’m one to take small steps myself otherwise I can get so overwhelmed. I actually just bought a changing colour diffuser recently which is very nice to watch but I haven’t got real oils at the moment so I will order some! I’ve also heard about flicking the wrist band but never tried it lol  or I have and never realised. Might even try the chamomile tea too, I normally just reach for a cranberry juice or a j20 ha. 

Yeah as for emdr I’m quite weary of it as I haven’t been diagnosed but I feel in two minds about that. I suppose this is where I’d need another diagnosis, just need to get a gp appointment first. I suppose with cbt now I know I have autism then maybe I can have sessions adapted for me, I think what worries me is if it doesn’t work and I feel worse than before because I do have autism, it’s so complicated. Like now I’m so unable to go outside or look out my window because I feel worse off and triggered. Im sorry your hypnotherapy didn’t work out, I think maybe the practitioner wasn’t really suitable, like the issue with me. Hope you are doing better now 

Ahh ok thank you for the tip. If it helps distract you then that’s fine, I tend to stim quite a bit but I’ve never really paid attention to what I do. I think I just clench my fists and like grunt, suppose I could pay more attention to my stimming habits.

As you said I didn’t know I was autistic at the time so they wouldn’t know what to do back then I agree there. I will still look into different therapies, think cbt could be my best option but I’ll keep looking! And I guess I always feel guilty and mean when I say about the therapists not being nice but I think sometimes it takes a little time for me to process things, i tend to think best when im at home, like when im outside and socialising (which is super rare) i can be chatty and confident looking and think like “well i like who i am” but when i get home i like beat myself up (mentally) 

Thank you for those kind words, just had another nasty argument with my mum after having my hair cut so I’m feeling very rubbish at the moment. Think it’s hard for me to live my life because I’ve been compared to those who are “richer” and “better looking” and how I had it rubbed in my face. I will try and look after myself, it’s just hard knowing there are others who are having nicer lives than me and my mum always seems to get upset when something nice happens to me. When I do look after myself it feels nice but then I feel guilty afterwards due to what I’ve been told. It’s very complicated but thank you for supporting me im very grateful you think I should take care of myself. 

When I have thoughts swirling around in my head (which is most of the time), I find it really hard to stop those thoughts, clear my mind, concentrate, start a task, etc. Since "coming out" to myself about being Autistic, I've started letting my hands do whatever they want to do. I've found that lifting my right hand up, palm towards me, fingers spread and then waving it in front of my eyes seems to stop my brain dead for a few seconds. It's a kind of magic! It gives me a brief moment where I get a chance to switch track. I might have to repeat it several times, but I find it helps. Give it a go and see if it works for you.

Does anyone else have any thought-stopping stims?

I'm a bit dubious about emdr too, it's probably ok for either a single incident or something out of normal life like being in a war, if you have something like cPTSD then I'm unsure of its suitablility.

Thinks like emdr and cbt are to mechanistic in their approach for my liking, I had cbt and had symptom substitution, Now I can drive, but developed social phobia which I never had before. I tried hypnotherapy to help with stopping smoking, but didn't get on with it and had a bit of a spat with the practitioner. I don't know if it's an autistic thing or if I done so much meditation over the years that my brain was a bit overtrained?

Maybe try something simple for now, like a hairband around your wrist to twang when you get a negative thought. If you get really wound up then maybe drinking something like chamomile tea might help, or lavender, either a couple of drop on a tissue inside your pillow case at night, or in a diffuser during the day, just make sure that it's real lavender essential oil rather than the synthetic ones.

Elfilis said:

I have done talking/cbt and hypnotherapy in the past but I wasn’t able to get along with the therapist

CBT typically needs to be adapted significantly to work for autists so if your therapist lacked experience (or knowledge) on how to do this then it probably wouldn't work for you.

I have not heard many autists claim positive results with hypnotherapy as well. I suspect these therapies need to change significantly because our brains are wired differently and thus need a different approach to make them click with the therapy.

Elfilis said:

I’ve got judged negatively.

Therapists should not judge you - if you feel this to be the case then discuss it with them as it is a failing of their obligations to you as a client. It may just be a communication issue in which case raising it should help you work on this and feel better with the treatment.

I find it helps to look on therapy as a service I buy - I am entitled to ask questions of them, ask them to explain an approach or response and to change the treatment if I find it isn't helping.

There is one short sentence which can be helpful to keep reminding yourself is really important:

"look after yourself".

Someone once told me it is worth trying to remember that nobody else is likely to care about your mental health quite as much as you do, so you are right to;

"look after yourself":

as

you

are

important.

Our ideal self-care strategies are a set of lifelong skills to explore and refine (as we learn more about what our Autism / ADHD / other neurodivergent presentations might mean to us as individuals and as a community).

I don't think you will find people here will tell you to "get over it", but we might each find we need to "grow into it" instead.  That takes some time and experience. 

We might try some things and decide to keep, or to discard them.  Not to worry, as there will be other new things which come to our attention to try out at some stage - as we learn more about the things which might be supportive.

There is no competition or award to win, so we can pace ourselves and perhaps not try to take onboard too many new things all at the same time.

Taking the time to learn to pace ourselves ...that is "allowed", sensible and to be encouraged.

Lol yeah the switch 2 is so hard to get hold of, I had ordered it then I had an email to say they haven’t got stock at the moment, I hope they keep my order in place! Also gotta get that new Mario Kart game! 

Aww I’m so glad you have had good experiences with your therapists, it’s hard to find a good one in the UK that’s for sure. I mean I’ve only been going by google with the ptsd but I am thinking that it’s possible I have that due to bullying growing up and more recently sexual harassment in the workplace. 

Lol I understand the Switch 2 being a priority

I’ve never heard about emdr, that’s interesting!

I’m sorry to hear that you’ve had negative experiences with therapists in the past. That always breaks my heart to hear, because I’ve had nothing but good experiences with the therapists I’ve had. Yeah, if you’ve got PTSD you may benefit from specialized help in that regard, so going to your gp when possible is a good idea.

Ahh ok to thought-stopping, thank you for the suggestion. I am not in therapy right now but I have done talking/cbt and hypnotherapy in the past but I wasn’t able to get along with the therapist, in fact they have all been rude so it’s made me more skeptical as whenever I’ve been, I’ve got judged negatively. I might considering doing more research though. I’m not sure if I should maybe considering doing emdr or something as we are speculating I could have ptsd but I’m not sure. I was going to try and get a gp to refer me for a general assessment but I can’t seem to get an appointment and going private is very expensive. I need the money for the switch 2 lol. Thank you for replying.

The first thing that comes to my mind is thought-stopping. I don’t know what your thoughts on therapy or if you are currently in therapy, but it sounds like learning more about thought-stopping might be helpful. The idea is basically whenever you have a negative thought, chase it with a positive or neutral thought.

For example, earlier this year I kept having the recurring intrusive thought of something to the effect of “I can’t keep going,” but I would chase that thought with “But I can try.” Eventually the intrusive phrase left my mind, but it took a good week of thought-stopping to get rid of it.