I feel so embarrassed. I went to a conference today. At the end they had 1 1/2 hr “drinks and networking” session. I was feeling awkward and I kept finding I was standing in a group where people would pair off into individual conversations and I was standing there still but kind of alone. Or people would say, “Must go and mingle.”
So then I would move to another group and I say hi and same would happen. I was trying to be super aware of myself, ask them questions, etc.
But then I started talking to someone and thought it was going well so I relaxed. He brought up a topic I’m really interested in and I got excited and started talking about it enthusiastically. Then I suddenly realised he was looking at me weird. So I stopped talking and he muttered, “Nice to meet you,” and walked off really fast.
Now I realise I was just going on about it. And didn’t ask him enough. And I feel sad and humiliated. My confidence is completely shattered.
I was diagnosed this year, I’m 47. I feel so much worse about everything now I realise I’m not just “socially awkward”, I’m autistic.