• Replies 12 replies
  • Subscribers 82 subscribers
  • Views 246 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

Running away from socials

Paul

I seem to have an issue with social groups, in that I always feel the need to join them when I'm not in one, and then to escape or run away and cut myself off when I've been in them a short time, or even a little longer.

I think the trigger is when I feel like I'm too much, I feel like I talk too much and am too over friendly initially, or I feel like I'm not as accepted as other members are. I know this takes time but I always feel rejected, even when the rest of the group probably haven't even noticed a change.

I've found a nice group on my online game and they're quite chatty at times, but again I have the overwhelming urge to quit and I don't quite know why. Maybe I'm a bit socially lonely, which would make sense I guess. I don't go out much and spend most time with my partner. Face to face interaction is too difficult so all my friendships are online or text.

It feels like a cycle and I need to talk to my therapist about it to get to the bottom of why, but I just wondered if anyone else experiences this?

  • in reply to Paul

    I don’t use a public gym. We have all his old equipment in a large garage as he is no longer a Pt. It’s perfect as it’s just us two. I would not manage in a public environment as you say it’s all too much showing off and more of a social gathering. 

  • in reply to Take5

    I enjoy the time with my clients. They're all fab and it's nice to help them. I'm not keen on the gym environment anymore though. It's too noisy, toxic and fake for me, and I don't like the fitness industry much as a whole. Hoping to find something different soon.

  • in reply to Paul

    Just read your bio Paul. I see you’re a personal trainer. My ex brother in law was a ex military Pt and I train with him which I love….. he always pushes me to my limit which is great also. Do you enjoy your work? 

  • in reply to TheCatWoman

    I think I usually join because I want a community that accepts me for who I am and somewhere I can just be myself. I'm not sure that community exists though, and the bigger the community then the less chance of finding a place where I get on with all the people. 

    I know it's unrealistic to expect to get on with everyone, and it's something i need to accept.

  • in reply to Take5

    Agreed here. It usually triggers RSD through perceived rejection or actual rejection, and I end up in a shutdown and depression for a anything between a few hours to a day or two. It's made me think it's pointless even trying if it makes me feel this way.

    In some cases I find someone in the group who is racist, homophobic, ableist or sexist and then I leave through disappointment that the community I joined feels this behaviour is ok, but often it's not even anyone's fault, it's just my mind telling me that I'm not welcome or I don't fit.

  • in reply to TheCatWoman

    I don’t do Fb or any of those social things (apart from Nas). Apart from not seeing the point it would make me feel very anxious and also struggling with technology in general. I do get a lot of flack for not being part of social media but it isn’t for me and I already please others too much without all that side encroaching into what little time I have to do the things that interest me. 

  • I don't run away from social groups, I just don't join them in the first place. I don't do games and stuff like that or things like fb, there are a few local groups, but they always start things at the wrong time for me.

    What is it you think these groups can add to your life?

    Do you leave when you don't get it?

  • in reply to Boika

    Thank you so much. That's exactly it.

  • in reply to Paul

    You are self-aware and you know you are a nice person and you feel like you want to prove this to people by getting along with everyone in a group.

    It never really goes to plan and you get frustrated quickly and decide to bale out, more to protect yourself from the distress that will cause you - ruminating about it in the future? That's me.

    The only time this hasn't happened is socialising with a single person or in a support group of autistic adults/ND's (which is an amazing eye opener but brings a whole different lot of people's idiosyncrasies).

    I always used to consider myself paranoid but maybe (!) I am just different..

  • I have posted about this many times before. I also do a runner when I cannot manage any longer. Usually ends in tears and extreme sadness coupled with exhaustion. Thankfully there is not much on our social calendar so I can keep at a distance. 

  • in reply to whiteD404

    Yeh, very similar. It feels like a need to be liked an accepted, but then when I join I feel out of place and too different, or I don't know how to join in, or I just say the wrong thing. Comments are taken the wrong way, or jokes just fall flat. RSD hits and I have to escape.

    I need to just stop joining them I think. It feels like nobody will ever understand me, and it's always going to happen because we cant get on with everyone if there's a lot of different personalities in one place, but it still feels like I'm in trouble and I always want to run.

  • An interesting point, I don't think I run away from social groups, I very rarely join anything and usually regret it when I do, seems like a good idea at the time but then instantly kick myself. Is that the same? I usually find it very difficult to maintain these kind of things, usually when I have free time I like to jump into my passions and anything else kind of takes a back seat. I don't tend to feel very comfortable in any community really, I know this is really in my head but hard to change your MO.