Regression

Hi JT,

Yes I'm having exactly this problem at the moment, very similar to what Jax below wrote.

After my diagnosis 3 or 4 years ago (I'm 52) I was actually pleased and relieved because it explained a lifetime of problems with people and I thought it would stop me blaming myself. 

I followed my diagnosis with a huge amount of self analysis, going over my life and relationships to try and understand and analyse what went right and wrong and how to move forward in the light of the new situation. I soon decided to give myself permission to not go to many social events that I may have forced myself to previously. I also told several of my family and friends of my diagnosis, this didn't go as well as I'd thought.

I should also mention that I had also got more anxious after Covid, although I really enjoyed it at the start, I now see it did me damage through being isolated.

Anyway, here I am 3 or 4 years later and have found that I am having huge problems with extreme social anxiety and self consciousness to the point that I'm even a nervous wreck with family and friends. I can't do eye contact easily any more, I'm obsessed with my body language, as well as hugely analysing the other persons. The upshot of this is that I have lost my personality and connection with people in person as I can't fully concentrate on what we're saying while I am noticing all the other stuff. The problem is that I am so uncomfortable that when I do interact with people they are so obviously uncomfortable with me that this obviously makes it worse. 

I'm now doing lots of research on articles etc to work out how to get myself out of this situation as I'm desperate.

The bottom line is, and apologies for this long message, it pains me to say that I regret having my diagnosis. Despite my lifelong social issues, I was in a better place than I am now. 

Please know, dear John....you are not alone nor unusual for the place you now find yourself in.  Stick around here.  It is "shelled out" these days.....but people who know and understand  you inhabit these corridors....albeit in the shadows?!

Never apologise for a "long message" = those are normally the MOST genuine and true ones...in my experience. 

Things can, and do, get better.......albeit VERY eventually!  This is not the worst place to inhabit sir.

Yours,

Number.

Please know, dear John....you are not alone nor unusual for the place you now find yourself in.  Stick around here.  It is "shelled out" these days.....but people who know and understand  you inhabit these corridors....albeit in the shadows?!

Never apologise for a "long message" = those are normally the MOST genuine and true ones...in my experience. 

Things can, and do, get better.......albeit VERY eventually!  This is not the worst place to inhabit sir.

Yours,

Number.

Thankyou for those replies :)

I've just come back to this and seen everyone else's posts too, like JT says it's a relief that we're not on our own.

As it happens I saw an ex girlfriend last night, my first girlfriend which was when I was 19, which ended because I had what I now know is a shut down. I now realise it was because being with her was completely burning out my social battery. This happened with other people too later, girlfriends and male friends.

Anyway, she married an autistic man eventually and now has an autistic daughter, and works as a Neuro diverse Councillor. A good person to talk to

I talked with her about this very thread and her thoughts were that regression was quite common with a late diagnosis. She said that eventually you work through this very difficult period and come out of it better for the diagnosis, and the knowledge of who you are, and go in a new direction again. A new chapter that takes knowledge from both pre and post diagnosis phases and puts them together to work out the best way to go forward to a new phase. I hope that makes sense. 

In my case I think that means that I should partly go back to my mindset before the diagnosis. Trying to keep battling away and keep achieving things, keep working hard to be better with people, keep pushing myself out of my comfort zone, particularly with NT's. But just being a bit kinder to myself if I fail this time. It does seem that most of us on this thread have taken their foot off the gas socially and spent time self analysing. Lockdown too seems a common culprit.

Because I've got  into a bit of a bad place now, it will take some time building myself back up slowly, as if I go too fast I will get knocked back down again. I would love to learn how to care a bit less what people think. But I feel now that this seems to be the best and most positive approach. 

Listen to Number and your life will grow, that's a promise.