'What do you do?' Being defined by your job

I don't play it. I tell them the truth, and if I'm not working (like now), I tell them that, too. If they judge me for it, I won't be seeing them again anyway. I'm only interested in forming relationships with people who accept the real version of me, so I've stopped playing NT games, I'm not rude, just honest when it comes to personal questions. It's quite liberating.

I try to avoid socialising where possible and yes this is quite a common question. I tend to provide a vague answer as I am not not keen on disclosing information about myself really. I tend to talk about the company I work for, not what I do. If I was braver I would make something strange up just to see their reaction...maybe like a clown or other circus act maybe?

I hate being asked this question, but I don’t get asked as often as I used to. I don’t know if that is because I’m older and retired, or if it is because I don’t socialise apart from an occasional lunch with one friend at a time. I tend to meet some people on walks with my dog but I don’t recall being questioned recently about what I do. The last few times I was questioned, I smiled and said ‘it’s a secret’ - I think that’s inoffensive and it makes clear that I don’t want to discuss ‘what I do’.

Over the years other responses have varied depending on my circumstances, ‘I’m retired’ or ‘I’m a retired teacher’, ‘I be’, I’m unwell’, ‘I’m a student’, ‘I’m an archaeologist’, ‘I’m a volunteer’. I find it hard to tell if people are genuinely interested in me as a person, so I would err on the side of caution, as I have a tendency to say the wrong thing. On more than one occasion I’ve retorted ‘I beg your pardon!’.

Unfortunately social structures have dictated the preoccupation with occupation for centuries, and it is a worldwide phenomenon. Human beings are defined by their employment or lack of, rather than more importantly, their innate value as human beings. The information we can deduce from historical censuses is largely defined by the person’s occupation. People are valued by the productivity of their lives, and that productivity is defined by how much they contribute to society through not only personal endeavour, but more significantly through financial contribution by way of financial self sufficiency and contribution to the state through income tax. 

My grandfather had a certain way with words when he was asked a question that he considered rude, eg, ‘I deal with nosy people’. 

I don't know why you can't have a conversation with someone which isn't intrusive.   Which works along the lines of listening to what the OP wants to say, and responding, rather than to 'interview' them.   Is it that hard??  

They call their conversations 'socialising'  when they aren't - they are horrible, and pressurised.  

The truth is that people say far more when they aren't being questioned anyway, so their tactics are absolute rubbish.   

If I say I'm a hairdresser then people ask me all sorts of hair related questions, I learned early on never to say I was a counsellor or I'd get a life time of trauma told to me, or the reverse and people would think I'd be taking a punishing role, especially as I used to counsel young people. Saying I was a retreat leader gains eye pops and some very strange questions, sometimes interesting ones but often quite a bit of mockery too. Saying I've cooked professionally, tend to get me tales of how poorly so many people feel treated by restaurants or how they can't cook. Gardening get me loads of questions. When I worked in a wholefood shop I got a whole load of weirdness, from conspiracy theories about the food industry, mockery from some and others wanting advice and support.

I don't socialise anymore either, I really can't be bothered, partly because of questions like this and just because I feel like a fish in a tree.

Interestingly, (I guess mostly because I do have a job) what do you do? is one of the questions I can comfortably answer because I work with neurodivergent kids and I'm passionate about it. I'm not that comfortable talking about myself but I am comfortable talking about my job. I think I annoy some people because it tends to be a default topic that I do talk about.

I can totally see the difficulty when not working though. I do generally find people asking me questions about me difficult. It feels intrusive and I don't like it. I prefer the more random questions like who would win in a fight 20 chicken sized dinosaurs or 1 dinosaur sized chicken.What I find more difficult is people asking me about my weekend or when we've been off for a holiday (it's a school). My truthful answer to that is I've done nothing and it was probably quite rubbish because my mental health dips when I'm not in work. This probably isn't the answer that people are looking for and isn't something I'm particularly comfortable sharing. So what do I do, lie? Make up some interesting things that I did. I'm not comfortable lying either so that's not a great solution. It's hard and this really does put me off socialising.

I prefer the more random questions like who would win in a fight 20 chicken sized dinosaurs or 1 dinosaur sized chicken or if you could only eat 1 meal for the rest of your life what would it be.

I don't conform / mask anymore.  It is nobody's business what I do, unless I choose to share that information.   I don't think it just applies to occupation, but to other things too.   They want to know what you're relationship status is.  Where you live.   With whom, and how long for.  The list is endless.    None of it their business. 

I don't play this game.

What socialising?   Seriously?    I'm really thinking I don't want to socialise with anyone NT again if I can help it.  They hurt my brain. 

I know what you mean. But there may be various reasons why people ask this question. They may be looking to find common ground, they may be trying to find out if they will find you boring (because your job sounds boring to them), they may be trying to work out how much respect they think you're worth, they may be comparing you to themselves, trying to ascertain your education level. Many humans are impressed by high earners, because they admire wealth, power and the ability to "succeed" .

I'm retired now, so I'd just tell someone that. But then sometimes people ask what you used to do. I'd then say I have worked in accounting, taught English as a second language, and been a special needs teaching assistant during my lifetime. Then if they want to talk about any of those, it's up to them, I'd rather talk about what people enjoy.

I don't really like "socialising" at all. I can do it, I've learned how to do small talk and sometimes I can even turn the conversation to something that interests me. But I don't see the point any more and it's tiresome. I'd rather chat with my partner or dip into conversations on this forum.