The Lighter side

There are times when you just want to cry so having a sense of humour is essential.  My daughter found out yesterday that I am the Easter Bunny.  She was not happy! After some tears and my promising that I would carry on with the tradition of hiding little eggs and a good tickling session, she was ok.  Now I have to work out how to tell her about Father Christmas 

I have Asperger's and was not at all offended. In fact, my Dad often uses humour when I am struggling with my OCD, and it often elicits a giggle from me. Even though I must complete the ritual, I can also see the funny side and can laugh. Not all people with Asperger's are so serious

Believe me Crazy, when I have been sat in the bathroom trying  to wash something unmentionable out of the wheels of a toy train that has been run again and again through it on our child's bedroom floor.....a laugh is completely neccessary. Nowadays we talk to our little lad, explain why its not a good thing to do and then just shrug our shoulders and say 'Oh well...its just poo!!! and have a laugh. I made little cards that were folded and stood on his bedroom floor with pictures of poo on them and a big cross through it. We had to laugh because he used them as bridges to run the poo stricken train through!  If your husband has just been punched in the nose its a good thing to have a laugh and say to him that it hasn't spoiled his Adonis looks (I wish haaa). What else do we do. Sit and cry all night? No time for that.

Please don't be upset. There is and must be a lighter side to life with a person on the spectrum for their families or we would all be deeply depressed all the time. We have used gentle humour to diffuse so many situations where our Grandson is struggling with a problem. Its never used to make fun of him as I am sure you weren't but usually to celebrate the good things about the situation while we instruct him on the less good things. 

Our Grandson will often tell us he has brushed his teeth but if we ask him if he has JUST brushed his teeth he will give us a lop sided grin and say 'You didn't ask me WHEN I brushed my teeth. You asked me IF brushed my teeth. He can be extremely sweet and funny even when he is a little confused or reluctant and a good giggle often diffuses difficult situations and then he is happy for me to take him up to the bathroom and watch him do them. So I say if humour works for you and your child then use any tool you feel has a positive effect. We can read our child now and can tell when a bit of humour can work. We wouldn't use it if he isn't in the mood for it.

Thank you guys especially Blossom59 who so elequently put into words what I was thinking.  I adore my little man, and my heart breaks a little everytime I have to watch him struggle to do something the NT children find so easy.  I do try to find the humour in  life, otherwise I would break under the pressure, and I can't do that. I need to be there for my little man.  Thank you again for your reassurance.  Crazy x

Our Grandson wouldn't dream of drinking out of cups or glasses or even taking food off of our plates because of germs. 

But he thinks nothing of smearing up the sides of the bath and walls in the bathroom and then walking out without washing his hands. 

Sometimes we have to laugh between us at the problems a little and try our best to encourage him to be more attentive in the bathroom. It doesn't mean we don't care about the problems or are trying to belittle them. We and other parents have learnt that a sense of humour is a vital factor in rasing a child on the spectrum. Just as ASD children have coping mechanisms, so do their parents have to find them as well. I understand that somebody on the spectrum might find the fact that we make light of the issues sometimes difficult...but that's just because we need to keep going sometimes. I think that this is what Crazydarkside was trying to say. 

We can't hope to understand all the mysteries of this very complex spectrum but we do realise that they exist and we try, try and try again to assist our grandson with them. Considering the challenges many parents with ASD children face, a house filled with laughter and giggles is a much healthier place than one of that is constantly too serious.

We have Tony Attwood's excellent book. Its been a great help to us.

@crazydarkside, do you mean me or Longman?  You haven't offended me, so if it's me you mean your message for don't worry.  If you mean Longman, he isn't offended (I think I can safely say on his behalf) please don't misunderstand the direct, forthright posting style of Aspies.  Longman has never to my knowledge posted in anger or offence at anyone on the forum.

Don't leave, everyone is welcome here and I'm sorry you cried.

You Misunderstand me!!  I have been sat sobbing, I never meant to offend any one. I go out of my way to try and understand what my son is going through and to try and help him, or to diffuse situations.  I have recently stopped work and am now a full time carer for my son, so I could go to all of the meetings and apps, I don't look for praise, I don't laugh at my son and I work really really really hard to understand him, and if I don't get something, I ask alot of questions.  I do understand that my son has genuine problems with his senstitivities, there are times though when it is more about the call of the computer, then end of the conversation, and the bit that made me smile, was when he turned, gave me a wicked grin, and said, well it was worth a try mum.

I do read Tony Attwood, and I watch his lectures on youtube  I won't post any more on the forum.  Sorry for upsetting people

longman said:

But is this behaviour exclusive to children on the spectrum? Surely most mums report difficulty getting their kids to wash their hands after going to the toilet.....

My two spectrum children have always religiously washed their hands after going to the toilet, the rule-bound behaviour came in handy there.

One of the ways I try to tackle my own reactions to sound is to find somewhere to sit near them where I can relax and analyse what is happening. I need to use stations to get around (I don't have a car) so I cannot just avoid them.

By gaining understanding of what sounds are difficult, I can strategise visits to stations so I know how long I can cope OK, and where there are quieter areas I can go to when I start to feel uncomfortable - waiting trooms without piped music and with closing doors, or on the open ends of platforms, away from the canopy, are often quieter.

One of the problem points for me are ticket barriers on the bridge. It is a complex noise environment, and movement of many people as well, which involves waiting and trying to get through the barriers.

Thing is, taking railway stations as intimidating as a whole, it means children on the spectrum become scared altogether of rail travel. Avoidance is a common reaction, which increases isolation.

If parents (instead of laughing, smiling and giggling at things they don't comprehend) helped their kids defuse the difficulties in stations and help them develop coping strategies it might make their lives better.

But is this behaviour exclusive to children on the spectrum? Surely most mums report difficulty getting their kids to wash their hands after going to the toilet.....

A more likely issue with some children on the spectrum could be over cleanliness, even OCD hand washing.

The busy train station involves complex sound levels from all directions in an unpredictable pattern. Might seem daft you, but I'm an adult at the mild end, and stations can be very difficult environments for me.

Bowling and cinema are much more predictable, or predictably surprising.

This sensitivity to sound is very difficult for NTs to understand, and it does need greater understanding (but not being part of the blessed TRIAD it is ignored by autism researchers!).

Likewise some children on the spectrum are hypersensitive to certain types of sound, partly because they hear them in greater amplitude - so felt tip squeaking on paper REALLY could be disturbing.

Also some children are sensitive to water - may be hard to comprehend, but there are real issues.

Instead of laughing at your child's difficulties, why not read up about these issues - buy a copy of Attwood's Complete Guide to Asperger's. Just because you don't understand it doesn't mean its not there!