Help! Newly diagnosed, age 59. What now?

I like to think of it as finally solving a puzzle and feeling relief: I start to see the world and it's myriad responses reflect it all around me.

I also remember the old adage eyery day - " I am unique. That does not make me special."  This helps me be mindful of others, even if I don't always understand or agree with what they perceive, because - they are also unique.

Different not less

Cloe Hayden

I was diagnosed at 59 in 2020. The advantages I have found from the diagnosis, apart from validating my autistic identity, are that I now have fewer qualms about using a disabled toilet, and wearing a sunflower lanyard enables you to skip long queues  at some UK airports. I retired a few months before being diagnosed, so never benefitted from any accommodations at work.

It's pretty crap isn't it, I hate that it's a post code lottery as to what help you can access, I'm sure our hormones effect how autistic we feel on certain days, brain fog becomes much worse premenstrally, as do digestive problems. Nobody even seems to be looking at menopause and ASC, and what happens if we get dementia in one of its many forms? It would be no good asking me to do things I've never been able to do and marking me down for it in an assessment. I feel like we're a pioneer generation, and it will be better for those who come after us, because all the mistakes will have been done to us.

It seems that all the help is focussed on children and those in education and once you leave full time education there's nothing. Even the groups that allegedly there to help ASC adults seem only to be bothered about us getting the right benefits and not about us as people, they too seem more focussed on the just left education ones, than us older ones who might need differnt types of help.

Thank you.  I will have a look.  I am actually a counsellor myself, and have sought out counselling immediately for personal and professional reasons.  I am hoping the assessment report might contain more information.  Thank you  for referencing the pages on this site.  I have glanced at them, but I seem to be too impatient to read them through to the end 

Thank you.  Yes I am beginning to see that.  It almost seems not worth the effort I put into seeking out, and going through the process of diagnosis!

I don't know, I was diagnosed at 50 and just left to get on with it, it was thought that as I'd got to 50 without help that I didn't need any, I would have hoped things would of improved in the last 12 years, but obviously not.

I think us in the older demographic are very poorly served compared to younger people.

I don't do You-Tube or any other online stuff, I'm glad I'm not the only one who finds it patronsising and irritating. It's the same with books, its hard to find any that talk about autism in older people, or women, if they talk about women at all, then it seems to be as parents of autistic children or young women. I'd love to see something by and for women, looking at our experiences in the round, how it effects our whole lives, not just one bit of it.

Congratulations on your diagnoses and welcome to the community!

The NAS has a great set of articles focused on "after diagnosis", including one covering how you might feel during the subsequent days / weeks / months. You might find them of interest and/or helpful:

NAS - How you might feel after a diagnosis

NAS - Other advice covering post-diagnosis including:

• Talking about and disclosing your autism diagnosis
• Emotional support for family members after a diagnosis
• Formal support following an autism diagnosis
• What can I do if formal support is not offered or is not enough

In terms of what to do next, my advice at this point (ie soon after your diagnoses) would be to try and give yourself some time and breathing space to process and absorb everything that you've been through, and let your feelings settle down.

For me, as for many others here, my diagnosis turned out to be much more of the start of a new journey, rather than a conclusion full of ready-made solutions or next steps for my various difficulties.

Your assessment report might contain more information about next steps for your GP. If it doesn’t happen automatically, you might later like to send them a letter requesting a personalised plan. A template letter for this is linked in the “formal support “ article that I mentioned above.

In respect of your therapy, you might find it helpful to borrow or buy this book, which includes discussion of various types of therapy and counselling, together with advice on choosing the right therapist or counsellor - all from an autistic person's viewpoint. Several of us here have found it very helpful, myself included:

The Autistic Survival Guide to Therapy