Published on 12, July, 2020
At 55 and menopausal, I've just received my autism diagnosis. I'm also likely have ADHD but am not yet diagnosed. So far, my husband and brother are the only ones that know - my husband because he lives with me and all my moods, and my brother because he once wondered if he was autistic too.
I am in the process of informing myself about this. However, first and foremost, I am struggling with the label 'autistic'. I've always had a trouble with labels (from 'loser' in my school years to 'she's an odd one' later on). Thankfully, my parents avoided the 'she's the clever/odd/pretty one' sort of categorization I've heard others use, so I've been free to define myself. They've just accepted me for who I am.
However, it now feels like I've got a big fat label stuck to my forehead. It oversimplifies the complex creature I feel myself to be - good, bad and indifferent combined. I don't want to be dealt with through this prism of understanding, the 'She's autistic, so that explains why she's overemotional/analytical/socially awkward/reserved/overly blunt' sort of thinking.
I now realize that I am suffering from autism burnout, but don't want to use that as an excuse for the meltdowns I've had. I don't want to have to explain who I am, which is just as exhausting as pretending I'm okay. Oversharing has consequences, I have found.
Your thoughts would be most welcome.
Congratulations on your diagnosis. I wasn't diagnosed until I was 60. On the whole, I think it's far better to know than to not know. Knowledge is after all, a form of power and if one knows why they are the way they are, they can better plan for the future.
However, it now feels like I've got a big fat label stuck to my forehead. It oversimplifies the complex creature I feel myself to be - good, bad and indifferent combined.
People tend to think by categories i.e rich/poor, clean/dirty, convservative/liberal etc.This is a way to sort and classify information.
You're right that the autistic label seems overly simplified. There is simply no way to convey the entire meaning of what it is to be autistic within the contraints of a single word.
While the traditional view is that autism is a spectrum disorder that spans the range from mild to severe, I've found that autism is more like the layers of an onion with varying degrees of strengths and weaknesses over multiple areas such as exectuve functioning, sensory issues, obsessive compulsive disorder, anxiety etc.
I now realize that I am suffering from autism burnout
Yep, me too. I ended a 32 year long teaching career because I just couldn't do it any more. It wasn't just a matter of masking but it was also my badly frayed tolerance for bad student behavior, along with their insensitivity, entitlement, selfishness, and basic lack of respect for others. Add in rudness, lies, and bullying coupled with parental denials i.e. My (son or daughter) would NEVER do that. (sigh)
I am now retired.
In addition to this, I also think that a label or diagnosis of autism is a tool used by those who follow leftist propaganda and ideologies to silence and shut down those who are deemed to be too difficult, opinionated, vocal and who will not accept the accepted version of what is deemed by leftists as reality or the accepted wisdom, defining any or all behaviours of that person as being not grounded in reality and/or in thier “infinite wisdom” as being realistic or based on “common sense” (in their opinion) as leftists always seek to hold people back and hold people down, put people in boxes
Not everything is about lefties and religion, in my humble opinion. I think 'autistic' is as real and valid an identification as Irish, or Catholic, or Gay.
I was always told I was wrong, I did everything badly and why couldn't I be normal, I've been told that I don't understand anything. Everything in my life has been used as a stick to beat me with. I don't think like you, I decided to not allow myself to be beaten anymore and that it was OK to be different, I even used it to my own and other peoples advantage. Being different, what I now know as autistic, made me a good counsellor because I was looking at things as an outsider, I had insights that others didn't, these insights helped others and myself.
I'm opinionated and vocal and will challenge the accepted wisdom, I refuse to be put into pigeonholes, either religious or political, I'm me sometimes defiantly so, I'm fineally able to stand in my own light and be strong in it. Some people still think I'm mad, bad and dangerous to know, I think the same things about them. I don't see any conspiracies from any political parties, I see some people being daft, for the most part I ignore them, although sometimes I do have to translate my thoughts and feelings into daft to satisfy the DWP or someone. If having to live a a daft person is the only option on offer, I walk away.