Published on 12, July, 2020
At 55 and menopausal, I've just received my autism diagnosis. I'm also likely have ADHD but am not yet diagnosed. So far, my husband and brother are the only ones that know - my husband because he lives with me and all my moods, and my brother because he once wondered if he was autistic too.
I am in the process of informing myself about this. However, first and foremost, I am struggling with the label 'autistic'. I've always had a trouble with labels (from 'loser' in my school years to 'she's an odd one' later on). Thankfully, my parents avoided the 'she's the clever/odd/pretty one' sort of categorization I've heard others use, so I've been free to define myself. They've just accepted me for who I am.
However, it now feels like I've got a big fat label stuck to my forehead. It oversimplifies the complex creature I feel myself to be - good, bad and indifferent combined. I don't want to be dealt with through this prism of understanding, the 'She's autistic, so that explains why she's overemotional/analytical/socially awkward/reserved/overly blunt' sort of thinking.
I now realize that I am suffering from autism burnout, but don't want to use that as an excuse for the meltdowns I've had. I don't want to have to explain who I am, which is just as exhausting as pretending I'm okay. Oversharing has consequences, I have found.
Your thoughts would be most welcome.
Congratulations on getting the diagnosis! Everyone experiences that differently, there is also article about post diagnosis on this site and other sources. I’m not diagnosed (yet, maybe) but once I heard one psychiatrist saying: personality always comes first, then there is a diagnosis. Everyone is unique regardless of their diagnosis. Maybe this would help you - personality first! You are unique and you don’t have to always explain all your traits and behaviors. You also don’t have to share this news with everyone, it’s totally up to you. Maybe you feel like you’ve got the label on your forehead, but in reality you are still the same person as you always were. I don’t know how I will deal post diagnosis, if I ever get it. If I do - I will share it and my feelings here on this site.