Published on 12, July, 2020
Dear all,
I will summarise as much as possible to make things clear.
I have been with my partner for two years and I love him. In this journey together, we have discovered that he is autistic. He has two teenage almost adult sons, one of them with Asperger's.
During these 2 years , I have been hurt many times, but always told myself/ excused him as he is autistic.
My problem now is that I don't know where the autism ends and the conscious decision starts.
To summarise:
I have not been introduced to anyone in his family and I haven't been introduced to his children.
We do not live together and I am not allowed in his flat.
He has been divorced for more than 10 years and told me his ex was controlling, yet he meets his sons 3 times a week, including saturday and sunday at her place. Because of that reason, we have never spent a weekend together.
They go on holiday together as a family once a year
He often omits to tell me things regarding his schedule or outright lie about various things. Sometimes I do not understand why the lies as they do not hide anything malicious but it makes it hard for me to trust him.
Our meetings are always based on his schedule. I am always prioritising him and would be happy to drop my plans to be with him. If I was busy, he would not mind seeing me less and he would certainly not drop his plans to see me more.
Finally, I have asked him to buy me a cheap ring as a symbol of commitment. I mean something very cheap, not a diamond ring and I was clear that i did not want an engagement ring, just a token of commitment. He told me he did not find anything.
I have find that some of the behaviours do fit with the autistic mind, but at the same time, it seems to me that I am just a thing on the side, really at the bottom of his priority list.
I am happy to work on this if knowledgeable people on this website could explain to me that- yes he does this because it is typical of an autistic person...( for example, I know how much hobbies are important and I have never tried to prevent him from doing what he likes) but i can t find any excuse for not being introduced to his family or for him to refuse to give me a cheap ring.
anyway, before I make the decision of saying goodbye, I wanted to make sure I am making the correct decision with full knowledge. Any help/guidance will be much appreciated.
Yeh that doesn’t sound nice. He could at least buy you a ring to show you he’s committed and stuff. How he said he didn’t find anything and stuff. Sounds like a d*ck no offence. A lot of autistic people come across like that sadly. I like to think I don’t well I know I don’t because I actually try to be nice. But other autistic people I know are less than friendly put it that way. I have had autistic people be complete c*nts towards me. I had an autistic friend who would pee in people’s communal hallways of apartments including my own hallway because he was a first class d*ck. he used his autism as an excuse to act like however he wanted. Including assaulting people and throwing dog sh*t at them and picking up dead piegons and throwing them at peoples windows. Autism is not an excuse to act however you want and get away with it you know. Same goes for non autistic people. Be nice.