Published on 12, July, 2020
I dated an autistic guy 7 months ago and i still like him, we are just friends now and i am dating other guys, he is OK with this.
Since then he wont date me again and i believe he has made reasons for not seeing me again. He lost his job, he is stressed out, is a lost soul, and recently has said he doesn't want a girlfriend. When we dated and were intimate and he seemed uncomfortable, i think he just went along with it, he did like me but he couldn't and still doesn't express any feelings. He almost seems robotic. I think hes never wanted a girlfriend or wants to be intimate, he said at the beginning he is lonely and i think the dating scene was to feed that loneliness at the time and to try to fit in. He has confidence issues and i believe he is on benefits so that could also be a reason for not wanting a girlfriend. He has trust issues, he doesn't have social media and is very antisocial. sometimes his communication is very limited. I know autistic people don't like change and this could be another reason it is difficult for him to be in a relationship.
Does it take time for an autistic person to trust someone and want to have a relationship despite their personal challenges?
It has been a difficult time for me trying to understand him as nothing has made sense, but i can see the good in him and reasons why i want to continue dating him. It just seems impossible.
It would be helpful to have a view from someone who understands his situation.
Yeh sounds familiar. I have had similar experiences with other autistic folks. You stole the word right out of my mouth haha - robotic. That’s exactly the right description I would have too. Sadly there is now way that you can make him change he is autistic. Autism is a chemical imbalance he is the one who has to seek out help with his chemical imbalance. From the sounds of it he may not be seeking treatment right now. But you cannot make him seek it but you can encourage him too. I understand you see the good in him. Does it feel like the good is in there and it won’t come out? Does it also feel like he’s just dying to break out of his shell or tiny box he’s in? If it does you now understand what autism is. He is trapped in his mind. Does it also feel like you want to get to know him on a deeper level but he won’t let you? If so then yes that’s autism. That is the very essence of what it is. I feel the truth is that he really probably does want you but is probably so trapped in his mind that he can’t let himself. He can’t express it. He can’t act on the thought in his head to tell you he likes you. It’s sooo understandable and I totally empathise with him. It sounds like you’ve got a real gem there. Maybe keep pecking away at him and you might find something you like or even you don’t like. But if he wants to be left alone then fair enough leave him be but always leave the door open theee for him. So yeh that’s my advice hope it helps you.
I think you are right he certainly is trapped in his own mind and can't act on anything, i often think of it as hes i trapped in this world that is different to everyone else and doesn't know how to get out. Yes, i want to get to know him deeper but he wont let me in. I still talk to him but its not how it was before. Thank you for your advice
Aw no it’s totally fine. We’re all here to support each other. Such a shame isn’t it? Poor guy. Maybe it’s just accepting that he might never let you in as heartbreaking as that is. Aw it’s such a shame poor guy. But I guess you can’t wait around your whole life for him to change or explore his self. I get that most autistic folks buckle after the first dating hurdles. So sad hey don’t let it get you down though. I’m sure he will get himself all together soon. I also dated an autistic girl and found her to be very distant and similar to your guy just trapped in her own world. I respected her and let her be. Time to look for another girl who is good for me too. Sadly I couldn’t form a connection with her either. No spark there sadly. But hey good luck to you. You do deserve it though we all do.
I'm not 100% sure but it seems likely as his conversations around intimacy have been a little odd. I think his sexual desire is very limited, i believe this is common for autistic people. Yeah i agree people in general are not interested in dating autistic people because they are different and it is difficult to connect and understand them. Exactly the point, you have to understand them to be able to have a friendship, they do care they just dont show it. It certainly has been an interesting conversation :)