Published on 12, July, 2020
I wanted to stress myself on my own terms. I am socialy testing myself to grow my social muscles.
A few days before I googled, 'is it OK to go to the pub on my own'. It should be fine. If it is quite, the bar-keep will be happy and friendly for a chat. But if it is busy, make a simple order and move away.
It was quite for the evening. Not sure I was disappointed or relieved? Well it seemed it won't be as testing as I thought.
Do I drink alcohol or not? I walked there, so I had options. If I sat on my own, I would be happy with a pint of milk ;). Maybe a tea or a coffee. I chose a bottle of cider. It would keep my hands occupied. I could corress it, or choke the neck if I feel the need. I took a chance and asked the bar-boy if the man playing the machine want a drink. We shared forgettable small talk and a second round. A few people came and went engaging the regular with local gossip. After two bottles i was surprised i felt it in my legs when I said farewell.
I enjoyed the walk home. I buzzed with energy, soothed in the meditive rhythm of walking. What to do next week?
Yeh I totally relate to that. Many times I have went to a bar and shared a drink with a stranger and felt the buzz of both the alcohol and the buzz of socialising with someone. It’s a nice feeling. So yeh totally get the feeling you’re describing. I went to a pub also by myself and watched the football. In hindsight I probably shouldn’t have went by myself as there was a bar fight involving football hooligans from a foreign country at the same very pub. So yeh. But when you have the Dutch courage you do feel almost invincible. That’s the magic of alcohol and why we collectively enjoy it. But you know you could always go to a bar and just drink non alcoholic beee it’s exactly the same except you are keeping your safe and you can still share the social bonding with others too. So it’s a win-win situation.
Yes, I also play safe with alcohol free, especially since my most recent breakdown last year and a new round of medication. Does taste much the same and being close to people on a packed night, the smell of actual alcohol and cigarettes is never too far away. The 'bonding' can feel real in a strange way - like being onboard a ship and realising that you boarded the wrong one but can do nothing else but wait until you get to shore and make the most of your time on-board.
Loved your description of bonding. Thank you for your feedback ACF85.