Published on 12, July, 2020
It is something I've always struggled with throughout my life. The shame, the embarrassment, the fear of someone screaming at me as to go "do it yourself" even though it's extremely rare that's happened.
It's stinging at the moment because I'm looking for a job but I've exhausted all avenues (applying, emailing companies, reaching out to professional contacts) apart from asking my parents if they can help. It's not so much of a pride thing as a "me not being sure if they'll take me seriously" thing, even though I have an idea of what I'd like to do.
Even asking friends for support can be difficult because I don't know how they'll respond, and I'm not always best at preparing for the possibility that they will respond badly. Or even if they don't.
I have always struggled as long as I can remember.
Sitting there in lessons at school not being able to understand something and not asking because of being worried about being shouted at. For me then it was about standing out and that’s something I have always tried to avoid.
Nowadays I still remain quiet, if I ask for things to be repeated or even a run down of the week’s events (for the 2nd or 3rd time) my wife will roll her eyes at me and shame me for not remembering the 1st time.
I guess for the same reasons as you have said I try to avoid asking for help anymore as I have had numerous reactions to me doing so in the past. The struggle continues.
I am hoping to surround myself with people that accept I’m different in the future which I’m hoping will put an end to me feeling so alone.
Good luck with your job hunting HMO