Published on 12, July, 2020
It is something I've always struggled with throughout my life. The shame, the embarrassment, the fear of someone screaming at me as to go "do it yourself" even though it's extremely rare that's happened.
It's stinging at the moment because I'm looking for a job but I've exhausted all avenues (applying, emailing companies, reaching out to professional contacts) apart from asking my parents if they can help. It's not so much of a pride thing as a "me not being sure if they'll take me seriously" thing, even though I have an idea of what I'd like to do.
Even asking friends for support can be difficult because I don't know how they'll respond, and I'm not always best at preparing for the possibility that they will respond badly. Or even if they don't.
Same…
Hey I used to ask for help in the very early days but not any more. Always end up having to deal with things on my own, so given up asking xx
Yes, I can relate to what has been shared in this conversation. Thinking of asking for help seems to automatically conjure up all the usual variables and possible outcomes that I struggle to contain in my head. So I've always been reluctant to ask for help, unless I absolutely feel I have no choice.
Recently I asked for help for my mental health and it has backfired on me. I'm on a teacher training course and after reaching out based on my own mental health concerns, I've been frozen out of the course, my associates, pretty much everything until I have occupational therapy and psychiatric assessments. Sure, it'll probably make my autism as clear and open as possible to push forward the diagnosis (private over public services regrettably) but I'm left in 'no-man's land' in the meantime. Can't do anything.
It sometimes seems difficult.
N0, I struggle with not getting any or worse, getting "help" that is no help at all.
"Asking" is a peice of cake...
I find it hard to ask for help because I'm used to none being available. I've been told more than once that I need to ask for help rather than struggle, I've called loads of friends when I've needed some emotional help and they've all been out, I've been to pain clinics and been told there's nothing they can do for me, but I could teach them things. Apparently I'm too resourceful! I find it deeply ironic that the things I learned from reading womens magazines years ago are the same things being taught at pain clinics. I was disgusted to find that a physiotherapist didn't know what core strength was and why it's important.
I was often punished at school and at home for not being academically able, life seemed like a constant round of crime and punishment, most of the time I didn't understand why I was being punished and being told that I knew what I'd done wrong just made me more confused. Then it came as a huge shock to my parents and teachers when as a young teenager I decided that I might as well be hung for a sheep as a lamb and started ignoring all of them.
I think one of the reasons I got all my benefits after an atos type interview was that I had a total rant at the woman conducting it about how I've spent years trying to stay out of a wheel chair with next to no help from doctors or anyone and now I feel punished all over again because I have no long term records of recieving help and that things like learning difficulties and ASC weren't even recognised when I was at school.
I get a bit fed up of feeling like I'm kicking doors in for the people coming up behind me, for me theres no one behind those doors except maybe someone telling me that if I want something I will have to set it up myself to which my response is 'thanks a lot guys, now earn you effing keep and do your job'.
I have always struggled as long as I can remember.
Sitting there in lessons at school not being able to understand something and not asking because of being worried about being shouted at. For me then it was about standing out and that’s something I have always tried to avoid.
Nowadays I still remain quiet, if I ask for things to be repeated or even a run down of the week’s events (for the 2nd or 3rd time) my wife will roll her eyes at me and shame me for not remembering the 1st time.
I guess for the same reasons as you have said I try to avoid asking for help anymore as I have had numerous reactions to me doing so in the past. The struggle continues.
I am hoping to surround myself with people that accept I’m different in the future which I’m hoping will put an end to me feeling so alone.
Good luck with your job hunting HMO
Imposter syndrome is rife. The feeling that you do not want to stick your head above the trench, even if you know you are right, because you know you cannot put into words what you really mean. I have the intelligence but have struggled for years because of this and my mask was to stay silent. Its a very hard habit to break.
No I don’t struggle with asking for help. Luckily I don’t need help right now. I feel fine enough. People could probably help me with just being there for me. Being a good friend.
I know what you mean. Almost a year ago I asked my dad to teach me how to drive. He refused, saying he wasn't confident. I later asked him if he could teach me something, anything, because I really badly wanted some kind of guidance in life. Again, he refused. Every time I ask him for help that isn't something furniture related, he looks for professionals to push me onto.
I have gotten better at it the older I get - and as i've been able to help others and see the beauty of the exchange play out.