Published on 12, July, 2020
I was married for seven years, and at the time, I didn't know my ex-husband had Asperger's. When I got pregnant, he left me. The pregnancy was unexpected, and we were already having many problems, mainly because I couldn't understand him in several ways that I now realize were related to Asperger's syndrome. Back then, we didn't have this diagnosis, and I'm only starting to understand it now, after five years of raising my son alone. I sought help to deal with the challenges in raising my son and found out that he also probably has Asperger's. This has helped me better understand what my ex-husband must have felt with the unexpected pregnancy and all our other difficulties, without knowing that he himself was different.
I miss him a lot, especially when it comes to raising our son. He still likes me a lot and visits us often. Sometimes, it even seems like he pays more attention to me than to our son. However, we are still separated, and I know that sometimes he has relationships with other women. I really want to win him back, but although he is aware of the suspicion that he might have Asperger's, he hasn't sought any help or psychological follow-up for verification and diagnosis. He still sees our separation as final.
What should I do to win him back, considering this situation?
I can’t help but look at this from a traditional Catholic perspective - by abandoning you as soon as you became pregnant within Marraige, your husband is in a serious state of mortal sin and he has a moral responsibility to reconcile his differences with you and come back into Marraige and into a state of Grace - a child needs both a mother and a father and the child could very well be traumatised by the experience of the father abandoning the family home. These are serious sins that need to be confessed if either of you are Catholics, however the child does need counselling and therapy to cope with what’s happened given the length of time that has elapsed. The child could have trauma that remains unresolved. Family therapy could also be needed in this situation.
Yes.
However, there is the possibility that he was used by his ex-Wife.
There are other mitigating circumstances. Perhaps he's afraid of losing freedom. A lot of men end up with bloodsuckers who get paranoid over money and relationships.
The father should be head of the household. Young men with Autism were deprived the opportunity to take adult responsibilities, due to family pressure. So, it's not all his fault.