Published on 12, July, 2020
I was married for seven years, and at the time, I didn't know my ex-husband had Asperger's. When I got pregnant, he left me. The pregnancy was unexpected, and we were already having many problems, mainly because I couldn't understand him in several ways that I now realize were related to Asperger's syndrome. Back then, we didn't have this diagnosis, and I'm only starting to understand it now, after five years of raising my son alone. I sought help to deal with the challenges in raising my son and found out that he also probably has Asperger's. This has helped me better understand what my ex-husband must have felt with the unexpected pregnancy and all our other difficulties, without knowing that he himself was different.
I miss him a lot, especially when it comes to raising our son. He still likes me a lot and visits us often. Sometimes, it even seems like he pays more attention to me than to our son. However, we are still separated, and I know that sometimes he has relationships with other women. I really want to win him back, but although he is aware of the suspicion that he might have Asperger's, he hasn't sought any help or psychological follow-up for verification and diagnosis. He still sees our separation as final.
What should I do to win him back, considering this situation?
From your post, I'm assuming that you are still separated, but not divorced, and that the pregnancy was not planned.
Had you discussed whether either of you wanted children before you got pregnant? I'm not blaming you, it takes two and he should take responsibility. However he may not have wanted a child - he may have thought he could not deal with the mess and noise, he may have worried about routine disruption or that he wouldn't be a good father.
It appears he is trying to do his best to be a parent and still likes you, but perhaps he feels that living with the two of you full time would be overwhelming.
I suggest writing down how you feel in an email to him, and suggesting you meet up to discuss things further. Say you want to understand things from his point of view too. This will prepare him for the conversation, so he can plan what he wants to say. You could suggest starting dating again to see how it goes.
Good luck and hope it works out well.