Feeling like a lost alien

Hello. My name is Stella.

I am neurodiverse and have mental health issues. 
I work full time in a primary school as a teaching assistant and have done for the last few years between hospital admissions. 

I returned to work after the summer break today, and it was not a pleasant experience. I was exceptionally anxious (I struggle a lot with change of routine and socialising) and I found it near enough impossible to talk to people about how my summer was, or ask them how their summer was, or engage in a back and forth conversation. There were 30+ people in the staff room, and multiple convos happening all at the same time, and I became so overwhelmed that I took myself into a side room to hide from everyone.

I feel like an alien. I feel like I’m unable to do this ‘human being’ / active and functional member of society thing. I just feel so overwhelmed, panicked, and it all seems so unbelievably hard. I look around and envy others, even though science and logic confirms that many might be ‘masking’ and are perhaps just better at it than me.

I am going in tomorrow for another inset day, so any tips or tricks on how to be less alien and more normal would be fab!

Ta!

Stella 

Pronouns - She / her