Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi, this is my first post on here! But would just like to hear other people’s experiences with loneliness while being neurodivergent. I’ve found that after I received my diagnosis I have gradually started to unmask little by little and now the limits to what I can and cannot do without exhausting myself are becoming a bit clearer. Because of this I think I have inadvertently/accidentally isolated myself, I also feel as though the friends I had before do not necessarily understand the change. However, this could be due to my own anxieties about the matter, whether they are based in fact is another thing in itself. I would like more neurodivergent friends but now feel so separate from the social scene that I have no idea where to start or how to initiate a conversation without feeling horrifically anxious. What are all your experiences?
Hi! I'm new here too. My experience with this is coloured by the fact that most of my friends are neurodivergent too, so we all understand that sometimes people may not be able to socialise and we work around that.
Saying that, I do get the loneliness part because I've tended to go through my life only really having one 'main' friend at a time. Most of my other friends are people I have met through this main friend. So I have periods of self doubt where I think "oh they don't really like me, they're only tolerating me because I hang out with so and so."
I tend to be more open now about my socialising capabilities. Before, I would just ignore myself, and 'push through' the wall and end up burnt out. Now I build in that I might need to leave early, but that the alternative is me not going out at all.
It is hard to make new friends if you are somewhat socially isolated. Some people make friends through work or hobbies, but that has never really worked for me, as work colleagues I feel that we will maybe hang out together but it never seems to progress beyond that. And most of my hobbies are fairly solitary pursuits anyway.
I have one new possible friend that I am meeting up with for coffee again, and we get on really well and both love walks and art and stuff, but even she is someone I know through a former uni friend. This friend had said this girl was coming to study in my town and didn't know many people so could I maybe meet her for coffee sometimes.
It definitely sometimes feels as though if I'm not hanging out with my main friend, I have no one else I can call to socialise with independently. Like, we might do something as a group, all together, but a one to one activity or just meeting for a cuppa wouldn't necessarily be on the cards.
Anyway, this is just my experience. I'm afraid I don't have much advice for you as I'm still struggling with it myself. If I find anything that works, I will let you know!