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Confused.

Moonchild
28 days ago

I'm feeling confused and low.

I find it hard to read people, and it causes me to overthink - especially when it comes to men. 

I've been attending a group for a while, and over the last couple of months I've been getting to know a guy there. He makes me laugh, he's kind, generous and smart, but sometimes I find his language quite crude. But no one is perfect right ? I'm certainly not.

I'm quite a reserved person. I can't work out if I like him as a friend or I want something more. Or just to keep my distance. He is autistic too.

In the last couple of weeks he's bought me chocolate, and made me a flower out of a napkin. And I'm not sure what to make of this, or how he feels about me. Sometimes he teases me about my physical disability, and while it hasn't offended me, I'm not sure that's okay. 

The last relationship I was in many years ago was abusive. And everytime I get close to a guy, all that trauma surfaces again, and I want to run. I have had counselling for this trauma, but it still rears its ugly head. 

As I said I'm confused and feeling really quite low.

Any thought's ? Please be kind, I'm feeling fragile. 

Parents
  • 28 days ago

    I have an idea   I dont know him so I dont know  but if he has Autism  depending on what form his autism takes and what aspects he finds challangeing more than others  it could be a part of his autism even though hes smart in that he may not be aware and may need someone to tell him or havee it explained in a way he can understand that the teasing isnt ok even though you arnt ofended by it. 

    an idea maybe could  be to ask someone to exsplain to him that even though you dont find it ofensive you may  not ok with the teasing and for them to  exsplain to him why. and if he can stop doing it

    and if nesacery a social story could be an option.

    alternatively if he does understand then an option could be to just tell him or someone else your not sure its ok and if he can try to stop and  then if he keeps doing it tell someone so they can deal with it 

    with the flower and the napkin and stuff  it could be that he thinks hes just being friendly and only means it as a friendly gesture. also cause  everyones different some people find it easyer to express how they feell to people through gestures rather than words and exspress things in different ways. so it could just be  his way of saying he likes you but finds it easyer to exspress it by making and giving you these things instead.   

    it could also be that he doesnt know if he only likes you as a friend or something more yet  either and is working it out himself aswell

    but it sounds like from what youv said about him at the moment it sounds like its just friends and  hasnt gone past that quiet yet so dont worry. 

     it might be a good idea  to just give things time then you can  see if your feellings are still the same or not  and at the same time  make sure you also have space to yourself and give yourself time to work out if you like him as a friend or if you want something more or not. but it sounds like you just see him as a friend at the moment so dont worry. I hope this helps 

Reply
  • 28 days ago

    I have an idea   I dont know him so I dont know  but if he has Autism  depending on what form his autism takes and what aspects he finds challangeing more than others  it could be a part of his autism even though hes smart in that he may not be aware and may need someone to tell him or havee it explained in a way he can understand that the teasing isnt ok even though you arnt ofended by it. 

    an idea maybe could  be to ask someone to exsplain to him that even though you dont find it ofensive you may  not ok with the teasing and for them to  exsplain to him why. and if he can stop doing it

    and if nesacery a social story could be an option.

    alternatively if he does understand then an option could be to just tell him or someone else your not sure its ok and if he can try to stop and  then if he keeps doing it tell someone so they can deal with it 

    with the flower and the napkin and stuff  it could be that he thinks hes just being friendly and only means it as a friendly gesture. also cause  everyones different some people find it easyer to express how they feell to people through gestures rather than words and exspress things in different ways. so it could just be  his way of saying he likes you but finds it easyer to exspress it by making and giving you these things instead.   

    it could also be that he doesnt know if he only likes you as a friend or something more yet  either and is working it out himself aswell

    but it sounds like from what youv said about him at the moment it sounds like its just friends and  hasnt gone past that quiet yet so dont worry. 

     it might be a good idea  to just give things time then you can  see if your feellings are still the same or not  and at the same time  make sure you also have space to yourself and give yourself time to work out if you like him as a friend or if you want something more or not. but it sounds like you just see him as a friend at the moment so dont worry. I hope this helps 

Children