Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi, I’ve just been diagnosed aged 25 and I feel this has made things worse as I now know what I thought was just social anxiety (so possibly treatable) is actually autism and so will never go away. Looking back at my life, I realise that autism has had a huge negative impact - I’m unable to do things such as join sports teams or go to parties/social events without experiencing extreme anxiety before going, and then wanting them to be over the whole time I’m there. This has lead to me having no friends at 25 years old which is beginning to take a toll on my mental health. My mind feels like it’s in a constant battle with itself where I want to join in and enjoy playing sports, etc. but when I actually think about doing it, the anxiety kicks in and I end up back where I started. Does anyone else feel the same or have any advice on dealing with the diagnosis?
Having the diagnosis, I feel I "cut myself more slack". I've never been co-ordinated enough to do sports, and can't run due to physical disability. Socially, I now feel able to cope with a certain amount of being overwhelmed to experience the benefits of social time with friends, but I am not so hard on myself now about leaving when I have had enough. I also don't make excuses, just say I have to leave. It just depends what I'm able to compromise on at the time, in that specific situation.
Hello Adam
Welcome. I think it is helpful to remember that your diagnosis has not changed anything (practically) for you. Whatever your challenges were before, they remain so now. Similarly, whatever your strengths were before, they remain so now too. Accordingly, DON'T PANIC!
The practical realities of your life can still be changed. How you think, and how you feel......perhaps, not so much!
Personally, I was pleased to be able to understand WHY I think and feel how I do.....and realise that there are others like me. These things were the sole benefit of learning of my autism (and this remains the case for me now, some years on.)
I have been able to learn (predominantly from folk here) ways to better improve my life, in a practical sense........but, brother, does it take some time!
Try not to rush yourself. I hope you will stick around and interact with your neurokin here for a while and then, perhaps, find some nuggets of use and joy whilst things settle down in your head. Like I say, it does take time.
Wishing you "a not anxiety filled" evening.
Number.
Welcome, Adam, and congratulations on your diagnosis!
During the period following a diagnosis - and for late-diagnosed autistic adults in particular - it can be common to experience emotional dysregulation. This can include working through a phase where we experience (backward-focused) anger, frustration, grieving and more - as I've also been doing.
The NAS has a newly refreshed set of articles focused around diagnosis, including one covering how you might feel during the subsequent days / weeks / months - you might find them of interest and/or helpful:
How you might feel after a diagnosis
Other advice covering post-diagnosis
Hi, welcome to the community, I relate a lot to what you described. I did, related when I was your age. Now I’m 36 and some time ago I stopped caring about doing things that others do, I also stopped caring so much about having friends. I’m not sure if it’s coping strategy or just me being exhausted of this world. I suffer me tally my whole life, only now I decided to take care of myself. I’m not professionally diagnosed, but I’m looking for a psychologist that would suit me (without gaslighting etc). It’s unfortunately very common experience in autistic community and yes, autism can not be treated because it’s not a decease. It’s hard, but I think the only thing we can do about it is get help with the symptoms that cause us most problems and accept ourselves the way we are. When I was younger I used to hate myself for being a loner and looser. Now the most problematic thing for me are sensory sensitivities and emotional regulation, I always had them but never concentrated on them before because I was preoccupied with the “no friends” issue. i hope here you find some understanding, validation and support. Maybe also some friends.