Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi, I’ve just been diagnosed aged 25 and I feel this has made things worse as I now know what I thought was just social anxiety (so possibly treatable) is actually autism and so will never go away. Looking back at my life, I realise that autism has had a huge negative impact - I’m unable to do things such as join sports teams or go to parties/social events without experiencing extreme anxiety before going, and then wanting them to be over the whole time I’m there. This has lead to me having no friends at 25 years old which is beginning to take a toll on my mental health. My mind feels like it’s in a constant battle with itself where I want to join in and enjoy playing sports, etc. but when I actually think about doing it, the anxiety kicks in and I end up back where I started. Does anyone else feel the same or have any advice on dealing with the diagnosis?
If you're able to attend the events themselves, that's impressive already. I think that the anxiety of trying to out-do an extrovert in terms of talking is not the right motive for trying to socialize with others. I mean extroverts can gain a crowd, because they get energized by socializing with others, whereas introverts recharge by having personal space to themselves. You might excel more if you just chat with someone one-on-one, and just ask open ended questions and allow them to answer, because people enjoy being listened to.
Socializing isn't just being the center of attention and having a crowd of people soaking up your every word, like an extrovert would, it can be a much smaller and simpler one-on-one interaction with another person. Try to keep the socialization simple so that it will be less overwhelming for you. Social skills is a skill, and people can get better at skills over time.
Anxiety could be caused by a variety of factors, such as past trauma, chemical imbalances, gut issues, etc., or a combination of those things and more, so maybe therapy, prescriptions, a dietary change, etc., might serve as a few beneficial changes.
Hullabaloo said:people enjoy being listened to.
Someone once told me; to get the proportion correct (talk : listen) you can remember you have one mouth yet two ears, so 1 part talk to 2 parts listen.
When I was in my twenties, if I were attending something informal (a new crowd I was hoping to meet) I used use my clothing as a conversation "icebreaker".
A great t-shirt with a design or logo of something which interests you may sound cheesy, (or a badge / button / pin / brooch if you want to attract attention from just the fellow observant people), however, it can be enough of a prompt for a fellow introvert in attendance to start a conversation with you about the subject you are advertising. Some folk appreciate the none too subtle hint on what it might be safe to use as their opening remark towards you on meeting you for the first time.
Former MemberYou post some great wise stuff. I only recognise you when I hover over your username and see the purple flowers. I may have asked you before, as I ask all the NASnumbers who say something good and don't look like a robot. Have you considered giving yourself a profile picture and changing your default username? It really would help many of us recognise you.
To put it another way - imagine this and other topics where are the users were just numbers and blank pictures. It would be impossible to folllow.
Anyway, apologies if I have asked you this before, and apologies if you decline and I ask you again (thus proving my point )
In case you didn't know - none of your posts would disappear, they would just get your new username/pic.