Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi, I’ve just been diagnosed aged 25 and I feel this has made things worse as I now know what I thought was just social anxiety (so possibly treatable) is actually autism and so will never go away. Looking back at my life, I realise that autism has had a huge negative impact - I’m unable to do things such as join sports teams or go to parties/social events without experiencing extreme anxiety before going, and then wanting them to be over the whole time I’m there. This has lead to me having no friends at 25 years old which is beginning to take a toll on my mental health. My mind feels like it’s in a constant battle with itself where I want to join in and enjoy playing sports, etc. but when I actually think about doing it, the anxiety kicks in and I end up back where I started. Does anyone else feel the same or have any advice on dealing with the diagnosis?
I am in my 70s and at some point I just got so tired of trying to be like others I let go and embraced and discovered who I really was, aside from what others thought I should be doing/saying/thinking/etc. I had a much easier time of adjusting after that and finding what really attracted me as opposed to what I felt I needed to want to be attracted to in order to fit in.
SO - job one - find the path to self acceptance.
sounds trite? - It is a life's journey. This so for everyone. The sooner we get around to it the easier it will be for us.
Loneliness doesn't have to be a rut where we always end up back at.
There are ways to participate in the things we love without being crippled by social anxiety:
First hurdle,
"they will think I am different and weird and shun me." This is the highest of the hurdles and when you straddle it you will find most people are actually very accommodating and understanding, even if they are a bit clueless and full of preconceptions. here you can consider yourself an emissary, come forth to set them all straight by simply being an example of self love and acceptance, by living openly your truth as your discover it. You are, at your best, an authentically, awesome autistic person willing to play with the others and yet no letting go of what makes you awesome, and authentically so, even if you are different.
Being understood is something that we would like but the truth is no one really understands anyone else fully. Be honest and authentic within yourself and in your outer expression. You will gain the confidence you need.
So first trust and enjoy being alone with yourself and stop envying what others have. You are unique and awesome just as you are.
So, Think what is the main things you like about the sport you want to play and focus on that, in your mind, practice it your mind alone. Then, find one other person you trust to play it with for practice. Let them know right up front you are going to a bit socially awkward-own it. Without apologizing for being your self, say it up front, that it is a challenge you are working to understand. This shows the other person you are expressing self-love and acceptance and also that you are up for a challenge, same as anyone. They will reciprocate. If they don't keep looking for a practice partner.
second hurdle:
Persistence. full stop.
Safe counsel, good for us all to remember.