Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi, I’ve just been diagnosed aged 25 and I feel this has made things worse as I now know what I thought was just social anxiety (so possibly treatable) is actually autism and so will never go away. Looking back at my life, I realise that autism has had a huge negative impact - I’m unable to do things such as join sports teams or go to parties/social events without experiencing extreme anxiety before going, and then wanting them to be over the whole time I’m there. This has lead to me having no friends at 25 years old which is beginning to take a toll on my mental health. My mind feels like it’s in a constant battle with itself where I want to join in and enjoy playing sports, etc. but when I actually think about doing it, the anxiety kicks in and I end up back where I started. Does anyone else feel the same or have any advice on dealing with the diagnosis?
Thanks everyone for the advice, much appreciated! I notice a few comments about the ‘anxiety’ and thought I’d clarify exactly what I meant in my original post. I desperately want to fit in and make friends and have a relationship, but whenever I try to do pretty much any form of socialising, I end up just drifting into the background while the more extroverted people do all the talking. This causes my anxiety to build and I start putting pressure on myself to talk more, but I’m awful at making conversation so I end up just getting more and more stressed out until I can’t bear to stay in that situation anymore. It’s got to the point now where I just avoid those situations altogether so I don’t put myself through those feelings anymore.
I’ve seen advice on trying to go to places/do activities based on things that I’m already interested in so I am better at making conversation. But even this doesn’t seem to work as I have that same problem of just getting overshadowed by all the more talkative people - everyone makes friends with them and I’m left on my own again. It just seems like a cycle I’ll never be able to break now that I know my awkwardness in social situations is down to autism.
It’s got to the point now where I almost get jealous when I see people having a laugh with friends because it feels like I’ll never be able to have that. Apologies if I sound too despondent, it’s just very hard to see how things will ever improve following this diagnosis.