Published on 12, July, 2020
I recognise that I am a massive hypocrite for even expressing my distain for my own ASC diagnosis, but I don't feel empowered or overly positive presepective towards the confirmation of a ASC diagnosis.
I was diagnosed in 2021 as an adult and I had hoped and was told it just may take time to feel validated and accepting of it. Its 2024 now and I'm concerned that I am not feeling how am I supposed to be. I feel a little ashamed because I know so many others want offical confirmation of a diagnosis and it could be interpreted I am ungrateful for mine.
In my own experience, causes a nightmare with employers, especially in regards to Occupational Health, workplace adaptations, understanding and all that jazz. While I am so lucky to have a community mental health team, everything being framed as 'autistic' from a NHS prespective and that in turns feeds the negative cycles in my brain. I acknowledge I have low self-esteem, a bleak outlook socially, romantically and professonally with ASC and a self-hatrid that massively revolves around my own autism.
I'm not finding any joy following my community practitioner route (although I admit I don't understand what that is), but something needs to change towards my own attitude. I feel so bad with how I feel, it has been verbalised to me by many people how I view my autism is unusal and not good. Does anyone feel negative about their diagnosis? What would you do if this was your situation?
Why should you feel grateful? Why should you feel joy or anything else for that matter? Its just how life is, a diagnoses changes everything and nothing in a very profound way. Everything is changed by this new knowlege, but on the other hand all the challenges remain.
I felt relieved to have my diagnosis, it meant I could stop trying to be the way other people wanted me to be and be myself fulltime and challenge people back from a position of knowlege when they criticised me for being so bad at some things. I don't sugar coat it, or try and make something special out of it, I just tell them matter of factly why I'm doing or not doing something, they either get over it or go away, as I don't give them any other choice.