Ashamed of not being grateful for my ASC diagnosis.

I recognise that I am a massive hypocrite for even  expressing my distain for my own ASC diagnosis, but I don't feel empowered or overly positive presepective towards the confirmation of a ASC diagnosis. 

I was diagnosed in 2021 as an adult and I had hoped and was told it just may take time to feel validated and accepting of it. Its 2024 now and I'm concerned that I am not feeling how am I supposed to be. I feel a little ashamed because I know so many others want offical confirmation of a diagnosis and it could be interpreted I am ungrateful for mine. 

In my own experience, causes a nightmare with employers, especially in regards to Occupational Health, workplace adaptations, understanding and all that jazz. While I am so lucky to have a community mental health team, everything being framed as 'autistic' from a NHS prespective and that in turns feeds the negative cycles in my brain. I acknowledge I have low self-esteem, a bleak outlook socially, romantically and professonally with ASC and a self-hatrid that massively revolves around my own autism. 

I'm not finding any joy following my community practitioner route (although I admit I don't understand what that is), but something needs to change towards my own attitude. I feel so bad with how I feel, it has been verbalised to me by many people how I view my autism is unusal and not good. Does anyone feel negative about their diagnosis? What would you do if this was your situation?