Published on 12, July, 2020
I recognise that I am a massive hypocrite for even expressing my distain for my own ASC diagnosis, but I don't feel empowered or overly positive presepective towards the confirmation of a ASC diagnosis.
I was diagnosed in 2021 as an adult and I had hoped and was told it just may take time to feel validated and accepting of it. Its 2024 now and I'm concerned that I am not feeling how am I supposed to be. I feel a little ashamed because I know so many others want offical confirmation of a diagnosis and it could be interpreted I am ungrateful for mine.
In my own experience, causes a nightmare with employers, especially in regards to Occupational Health, workplace adaptations, understanding and all that jazz. While I am so lucky to have a community mental health team, everything being framed as 'autistic' from a NHS prespective and that in turns feeds the negative cycles in my brain. I acknowledge I have low self-esteem, a bleak outlook socially, romantically and professonally with ASC and a self-hatrid that massively revolves around my own autism.
I'm not finding any joy following my community practitioner route (although I admit I don't understand what that is), but something needs to change towards my own attitude. I feel so bad with how I feel, it has been verbalised to me by many people how I view my autism is unusal and not good. Does anyone feel negative about their diagnosis? What would you do if this was your situation?
I’m not officially diagnosed, maybe I would have requested that if it was easier. I’m too tired with everything and everything is too much, I’m fragile so I just stay “self diagnosed”. It helped me a lot, helps me understand why I’m different, my self dx is based on research, tests and most important things - comparison of lived experience with people from the autistic community. It helped me improve the quality of my life, helped me understand what I actually need and that I don’t have to be like the majority. Sometimes some negativity tortures my brain, but generally the realisation is a positive thing for me. I’m only a bit scared, whenever I think that I could possibly be told, that I’m wrong, that I’m not autistic, although I was told by mental health professionals that I’m very likely to be autistic and I also remember same from teachers in my primary school. So it’s up to us, what do we do with the diagnosis/ information. Maybe you can ask yourself, what was initially the purpose of getting the diagnosis (if you didn’t yet). Maybe you need a support from a psychologist with the acceptance? All emotions are normal, not only positive ones.