Published on 12, July, 2020
I have very recently being diagnosed autistic and adhd aged 37 I have waited over 2 years for my assessment and before this took a year to even speak to my doctor about it as I find it hard to open up and talk about myself. I felt a sense of relief when I was diagnosed as I finally realised I'm not broken or a failure my brain just works differently. I told my mum which I was worried about and she just said nah I would ask for a second opinion you just struggled more when you moved out as you had more responsibilities and how could I have a job and kids if I was autistic and then she just ignored my messages all night. I just don't know how to feel about it I feel is it my fault that I didn't open up more or speak more about my difficulties or should I have told her differently or beforehand. I just feel a bit lost with it all
Welcome to the community and congratulations on your diagnoses!
I can relate to your feeling of relief! If you also find yourself experiencing some emotional dysregulation over the coming months (eg due to backward-looking frustration, anger, grief, etc), please know that's normal too - more info:
Common reactions to receiving an autism diagnosis
Please don't feel that your Mum's reaction is your fault. When preparing for my assessment, I didn't have enough capacity to also educate my family members about autism, or to discuss my difficulties in detail. Also, if I'd turned out not to be autistic, I would have felt foolish, further knocking my self esteem.
Having read beforehand about potential reactions from family members, I set my expectations very low and tried to ignore any upsetting initial reactions and not take anything to heart. They needed time to process my diagnosis and learn more at their own pace.
The NAS says "An autism diagnosis can be an intense experience for the person receiving it and for their parents, partner, siblings and other family members or carers supporting them." Your Mum perhaps just needs a little space at the moment, to start processing her own thoughts.
You might both find these NAS resources helpful:
Talking about and disclosing your autism diagnosis
Emotional support for family members after a diagnosis - (which includes details of the Parent to Parent Emotional Support Helpline)
just wanted to share I was lucky with the assessment I had my sister who remembered all the childhood memories.My mum sadly died when I was 19 but I know she would have 100% been supportive.However my Dad who is still alive has at times said things that are not right.he has his own mental health struggles.At the moment he is being wonderful.Also it is the general public who I have most issues with and some of our wonderful public bodies.Just stay strong everyone.Eventually I think Autism will be recognised and respected like any other conditions.