Published on 12, July, 2020
Mine was when I started school. I remember sitting on a table with other children. I felt happy enough but then they all started what felt like a word dance that I didn't know the steps to and couldn't join in with. I remember feeling very alone and confused and panicky.. I mayve had my first shut down. Felt like i was in a washing machine and sound became a background thing. Suddenly couldn't understand them. That feeling still comes in a group of people.
What was your experience?
As many others have said the first day at school was a standout time for me. I remember being hysterical because of separation anxiety from my mum and remember most of the other kids not reacting in the way I did. That reaction lasted all through primary school and I only ever managed one school trip. I hated school until I left. I did my best to hide it but others were comfortable at school and I knew I never felt comfortable, too many kids and teachers to avoid or be ready for which generally made me feel unwell.
School was one big bad memory
Sorry to read you experienced a rough time across your School years.
As you say, the new transitions to starting; Nursery / Pre-School / Kindergarten / School etc seems to have hit a tough memory recall for many of us within our Community.
I suspect that in many cases that may be due to not many of us / our loved ones knowing by that stage that we were Autistic children.
I changed Schools many times as our Family moved home many times. I wouldn't say each subsequent "first day at a new School" was any easier than the very first one. (I was not identified as an Autistic person until well into adulthood).
I would like to think, in the circumstances, it does demonstrate our resilience (even when it didn't feel that way at the time).
These days, when I am preparing for something new; I try to think if there are any things I could do or carry with me to improve my coping strategies on such commencements (sometimes I call it correctly, other times I find that I have continuous improvement yet to be devised / refined).