Published on 12, July, 2020
I always struggle with this. I find it incredibly difficult to say anything but the truth. But this means that sometimes I imagine I get viewed a little odd as it may come across as what other people call “oversharing” and therefore potentially not socially appropriate e.g. you may not tell the person you met at the gym your physical health problems. I take things very literally which ive learnt over time can cause problems socially and lead to me feeling very misunderstood. For example, when someone asks me a question I literally tell them the answer because that is the truth. I don’t know how to answer a question which is not the truth because then it would not be true.
For example, I have a long list of odd symptoms after getting covid 2 years ago. But if someone asks me what I do for a living or how my day was I literally cannot lie. I just tell them the truth. I try to keep it generic so I don’t tell them my whole life story. The issue is people start asking more questions. So if I say “oh I’m not working atm as I haven’t been well the past 2 years” rather than respect that, they then ask me “oh what’s wrong” to which I begin to tell them all health problems post-covid. Or even worse if they ask “oh what did you do before you got sick?” I then cringe and don’t know how to answer that as I cannot and do not want to say “oh well I was misdiagnosed for a DECADE in the mental health system in hospital with a mental health condition I didn’t have and I was finally diagnosed as autistic and then I was due to leave hospital but I got covid for the first time whilst waiting for accommodation and then I spent the next 2 years acutely unwell I thought I was going to die so I haven’t actually been in work” ………
I’m not sure if I’m making sense or not and this is just 1 example but I really struggle with navigating conversations without telling people my entire life story and then panic that they think I’m weird and judge me and I leave feeling vulnerable and hating myself….not sure if anyone else can relate? I really find talking to people difficult, I really just do not understand how other people know what to say, when to say what and who to say what to….
I’ve noticed neurotypical people ask, “how are you?” to each other. The only answer they expect is, “fine.” How you are actually feeling isn’t what they want. I’ve learned not to give too much away as it can be used again you at a later date.
I was waiting at my doctors surgery a few weeks ago, I have noticed some chairs don’t have others next to them so I use them. The village ‘busy body’ was there and made a beeline for me, “And what’s wrong with you?” My reply was,” why, you a doctor?” I remembered to smile as well.
Fine stands for:-
F*cked up
Insecure
Neurotic
Egotistical
I've learnt to say, 'fine, how are you', this seems to be the expected response, its just social oil and keeps the conversational wheels moving.
Good one Roy, some people really don't know when to stop asking questions, it never seems to occur to them that you might want to keep things private.