Is it “oversharing” or is it not just simply honesty?

I also have this experience but I won it i like being odd that I dress strangely and speak my mind.

In fact I have decided i would make a great chancellor of the exchequer I am just looking for someone to be prime minister.

Fine stands for:-

F*cked up

Insecure

Neurotic

Egotistical

I've learnt to say, 'fine, how are you', this seems to be the expected response, its just social oil and keeps the conversational wheels moving.

Good one Roy, some people really don't know when to stop asking questions, it never seems to occur to them that you might want to keep things private.

Thanks for your reply. Yes that is true I too am recently learning this about NT. I personally do not see the point in this at all but I am learning to do it/say it so that I don’t come across so odd 

Thanks for your reply. Yes that is true I too am recently learning this about NT. I personally do not see the point in this at all but I am learning to do it/say it so that I don’t come across so odd 

Thanks for your reply. Yes that is true I too am recently learning this about NT. I personally do not see the point in this at all but I am learning to do it/say it so that I don’t come across so odd 

I am also unfiltered if I am my most authentic self. For the most part people respect this but sometimes if someone doesn’t know me well, doesn’t know I am autistic or is judgemental, then my honesty and transparency and somewhat naivety can come across as odd 

Thank you for sharing this with me and explaining. I am very new to the whole thing of trying to understand what other people are actually asking me when they speak to me. My experience of NT are that they ask questions they don’t actually want to know the answer to and this is something I find incredibly confusing and quite frankly exhausting. I never know when someone is genuinely wanting to know something or not. Spend half my time overthinking about every thing I have said and if they actually meant something else or not. My brain works differently in thst I just say what I mean and there is no reading between the lines. I guess in a way I feel somewhat embarrassed that I have spent my whole life like this not understanding the social rules and therefore embarrassed that I thought people actually want to know how I am. In my head it makes no sense to me to ask someone how they are if they actually don’t want to know. To me, it is a waste of time and energy. I would much rather just smile or wave to someone to acknowledge them rather than ask them a question about themselves that I don’t wish to know. I find this world awfully confusing 

I completely relate to this! It’s only after the conversation do I think of or realise what I *should* have said.i then just feel so embarrassed and ashamed of myself 

I’ve noticed neurotypical people ask, “how are you?” to each other. The only answer they expect is, “fine.” How you are actually feeling isn’t what they want. I’ve learned not to give too much away as it can be used again you at a later date.

I was waiting at my doctors surgery a few weeks ago, I have noticed some chairs don’t have others next to them so I use them. The village ‘busy body’ was there and made a beeline for me, “And what’s wrong with you?” My reply was,” why, you a doctor?” I remembered to smile as well.

I am Mr Unfiltered people like this about me but it can cause offence!

I know that feeling of not thinking of things on the spot. It sadly happens to me all the time, I have no idea if it is the pressure I feel. Sometimes I think my brain turns off in situations that are uncommon or new to me (related to conversations with people). I am not able to access my brain properly then. When I am back home I feel like I could have said things much better and didnt react properly. I have no idea why that happens. Similar things happened when holding a presentation in university. I learned all I say, word for word ><

You can ask yourself a question (if you didn’t yet) - do you feel like you should talk to others, otherwise they would think something negative about you, but you don’t know what to talk about? I was told multiple times to stop over sharing so as a result I only say “hi” and hardly ever anything else. I stopped caring what others think about me and my behavior. I also talk to myself when I’m alone and imagine that there is someone listening to me and I over share everything I want to the invisible person, or talk about my interest and this way I kinda get rid of the charge and feel fresh and it on one hand helps me avoid overshare with others, on other hand I get even more used to this style of interaction so I totally forget how to make some small talk. It’s all hard and complicated 

Often life is just about finding the right people.  These other people don't have to be neurodiverse but they have to accept and love you.  In my experience I can often stay loyal to the wrong person for too long.  That's something to watch out for.

AutismRox said:

I feel if I engage in small talk I am not being my most authentic self

If you think about it, a conversation you are having with someone that is primarily small talk doesn't require authenticity. People don't ask how you are because they want to know - it is just a sort of social nod to one another to acknowledge you are there.

If you can get your head around what these interactions are about then it should help you realise that a scripted response is really what is being asked for, not your truth.

A non-commital response followed by an open question is typically the best way to deal with these interactions and will let the other person lead into the next part if they are actually interested in conversing with you.

No lies have been told in the exchanging of these pleasantries so you can feel sure have not compromised your morals on the matter and are likely to have sailed through the exchance with minimal social friction.

AutismRox said:

they haven’t asked about the past few years.

This is a pretty sure sign that they feel awkward about the oversharing situation I think. You haven't done anything wrong, you just don't follow the norms they were expecting so they now feel it is a different sort of conversation that they are reluctant to go into as it is too personal.

You may prefer to read on the subject if the dynamics are of concern - this book does a good job of breaking down the stuff we often struggle with (myself included):

The Unwritten Rules of Social Relationships - Decoding Social Mysteries Through the Unique Perspectives of Autism - Temple Grandin, Sean Barron (2005)
ISBN: 9781941765388

Thanks for your reply. It’s hard for me to know what people actually want to know. Often NT ask one thing but they don’t actually mean it. I find it awfully confusing and exhausting 

Thank you for your reply. I get what you are saying. I can relate 

Thank you for your reply. I guess that’s what I find difficult - I spent my whole life masking trying so hard desperately for people to like me and doing just that - modifying everything about me to try to appear NT. but around 5 years ago I just stopped masking and ever since no matter how hard I try, I literally cannot do it anymore. In a way I wish I could so that I wouldn’t be in these sorts of situations - at least less of them. I’m not sure if I want their acceptance. I think I prefer being my most authentic autistic self. But I am aware that if I am, then I am often left feeling ashamed and self hatred 

Thank you for your reply. I completely agree with what you have written regarding it being subjective. I honestly don’t feel it is “oversharing” as at the end of the day it is reality and the truth. But you are right in that I guess there are unwritten social rules. Something I know nothing about. I agree with what you have written. I wish more people were as open minded as you 

Thank you for your reply. I completely agree with what you have written regarding it being subjective. I honestly don’t feel it is “oversharing” as at the end of the day it is reality and the truth. But you are right in that I guess there are unwritten social rules. Something I know nothing about. I agree with what you have written. I wish more people were as open minded as you 

Thank you for your reply. I will keep these suggestions in mind for the future