Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi all,
I'm new to this community and excited reading many stories in the community.Recently I've been reading several articles about 'double empathy problems' and I've learnt about 'emotional empathy' which autistic people tend to be good at, that we can feel the same as other people (highly empathetic). But autistic people are not good at 'cognitive empathy' (the famous 'theory of mind' thing), where we're bad at cognitively prospecting people's emotions or thoughts.
I feel that this describes me exactly. I think I'm very empathetic (or sympathetic). I cry when I watch films or even trailers. I think I can tell when people get angry or uncomfortable when I'm with them (but I don't know why, but I can't do that with text only or voice only communication. I think I need face and body language to feel it). But I don't know at all how to fix it or approach it for them.
Now I'm curious about other people's experiences with this. I read several community chats here about empathy and what I thought was there're both people (who think themselves highly empathetic or not at all). Do you have any thoughts or stories?
Thank you.
Looking back at my constant misunderstandings related to reading someone’s expressions (even my husband) I would say it’s really hard for me. I can feel someone’s pain (not always) if they describe with words what they are experiencing, but with me it’s also an issue with showing empathy. I show it through actions. If I can help someone, I look for solutions to help them but I’m not so good at comforting a desperate, crying person. I rather leave to leave them alone so they can process their feelings in solitude. Only recently I found out this is not what majority expect and it actually makes me look cold and lacking empathy. While it’s the exact opposite. I just think practically- if I can’t help the person and I’m also not good at comforting them and I don’t know what to say, the best thing I can do is just leave.
I know what you mean - it's often difficult to know what to say to someone, particularly if you experience emotional empathy which clouds your thinking.
In The Big Bang Theory, Sheldon does not know what to do or say when someone is upset, so his response is always to offer a hot beverage. Although this might sound trite, it could make the person feel cared for.
Years ago before I knew I was autistic, the father of a friend of mine died fairly young so she was pretty devastated. Other people sent her bereavement cards, but I didn't - I rang her to make sure she was home and that it was ok for me to pop over, then arrived on her doorstep with flowers for her and just sat with her and listened to her. I hope it helped.
I find it really good what you’ve done to support your friend. And the offer of hot beverage is really great!