Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi all,
I'm new to this community and excited reading many stories in the community.Recently I've been reading several articles about 'double empathy problems' and I've learnt about 'emotional empathy' which autistic people tend to be good at, that we can feel the same as other people (highly empathetic). But autistic people are not good at 'cognitive empathy' (the famous 'theory of mind' thing), where we're bad at cognitively prospecting people's emotions or thoughts.
I feel that this describes me exactly. I think I'm very empathetic (or sympathetic). I cry when I watch films or even trailers. I think I can tell when people get angry or uncomfortable when I'm with them (but I don't know why, but I can't do that with text only or voice only communication. I think I need face and body language to feel it). But I don't know at all how to fix it or approach it for them.
Now I'm curious about other people's experiences with this. I read several community chats here about empathy and what I thought was there're both people (who think themselves highly empathetic or not at all). Do you have any thoughts or stories?
Thank you.
Looking back at my constant misunderstandings related to reading someone’s expressions (even my husband) I would say it’s really hard for me. I can feel someone’s pain (not always) if they describe with words what they are experiencing, but with me it’s also an issue with showing empathy. I show it through actions. If I can help someone, I look for solutions to help them but I’m not so good at comforting a desperate, crying person. I rather leave to leave them alone so they can process their feelings in solitude. Only recently I found out this is not what majority expect and it actually makes me look cold and lacking empathy. While it’s the exact opposite. I just think practically- if I can’t help the person and I’m also not good at comforting them and I don’t know what to say, the best thing I can do is just leave.
Alienatedhuman said:I show it through actions.
I identify with this; I am not the person who says "there, there", gets swept up in all the initial drama and buys flowers for people etc.
I don't need to be "seen" to be involved in solving someone's turbulent problem (I prefer to get on with being helpful out of being at the centre of attention).
Rather, I am the person who sees the other person's pain (often more readily than others around), may not show it externally, and yet works hard behind the scenes to find support from the most appropriate source and a more enduring, pragmatic resolution.
I can spot "it" but realise I might not be the best practitioner to apply the remedy (but I am good at engaging the help of others with the appropriate skills).
Strangely, having said all that; it is common for people to confide in me when they are struggling with something - you might say as a "sounding board" - it seems I am trusted to be a safe pair of ears(discreet).
...just do not always have the optimal communication toolbox "live" available (I need to think about it and follow up with people when I have become confident around the considered options, recommendation and practical resolution).