Neurodivergent -v- Autistic

It's difficult personally. I am definitely neurodiverse. I don't have the confidence to diagnose my "condition" with certainty. I am very probably autistic. How should I describe myself? I don't really know.

Same here! I strongly suspect I’m autistic and I’m happy that I have this possibility to join this forum without formal diagnosis, but I’m absolutely sure that I’m neurodivergent. My perception, attention to details, my stimming and tics and inability to fit in in a group leaves no doubts I’m not NT, meaning I’m ND. Now it’s a bit easier mostly with the help of this forum I’m more aware of my differences and I stopped trying to change myself into someone who I’m not, I changed my environment and take care of myself. I struggle with emotional regulation and sensory sensitivities which link together strongly for me. When I was younger I was sure that I’m inferior compared to other people because I was the loner and unable to understand the “secret language hidden behind words” - body language. Now I don’t care so much about being part of a peer group. That’s how it’s easier for me. But I’m mourning my youth that was supposed to be beautiful (everyone says that) but for me it was a nightmare and only quite recently I got the possible explanation, why it was what it was. 

I'm always amazed to see my experience reflected back at me in these forums, as I just did in your post. In my past working life, I was once described as being "aloof". The subtext was that I was separate because I considered myself to be superior. If anything, the opposite was nearer the truth: I felt I was defective. i guess I may still fall into that trap, when I volunteer my special viewpoint...

Alienatedhuman said:

But here is a little problem- it’s in German

Not a problem for me, as I'm bilingual. I'll check it out.

I feel the same here! There was a video in the channel “Autism from the inside” where Paul Micalleff talked about self diagnosis. He said, that if after deep research, tests and most important- shared lived experience you find yourself there - then it means you are autistic. For me of course it’s a never ending doubt, but I just try to accept the fact that from now on my brain will torture me with it. I’m not even sure if formal diagnosis would help me. I’m sure I would get upset every time I would have heard “you don’t look autistic” etc. I also Found very interesting and well led channel Tom Harrendorf - Autismus und Borderline. But here is a little problem- it’s in German. I’m living in Germany and learn the language and I’m fluent enough to understand. But I wish he had subtitles in English. Just posting it here in case anyone is interested and speaks German. For me this man is also very interesting, I like the way he speaks. He himself is autistic. 

I feel the same here! There was a video in the channel “Autism from the inside” where Paul Micalleff talked about self diagnosis. He said, that if after deep research, tests and most important- shared lived experience you find yourself there - then it means you are autistic. For me of course it’s a never ending doubt, but I just try to accept the fact that from now on my brain will torture me with it. I’m not even sure if formal diagnosis would help me. I’m sure I would get upset every time I would have heard “you don’t look autistic” etc. I also Found very interesting and well led channel Tom Harrendorf - Autismus und Borderline. But here is a little problem- it’s in German. I’m living in Germany and learn the language and I’m fluent enough to understand. But I wish he had subtitles in English. Just posting it here in case anyone is interested and speaks German. For me this man is also very interesting, I like the way he speaks. He himself is autistic. 

Alienatedhuman said:

But here is a little problem- it’s in German

Not a problem for me, as I'm bilingual. I'll check it out.