help with relationship with neurodiverse partner

Good afternoon,

I am looking for help to understand my relationship. I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years. I know he is somewhere on the spectrum, after realising this, I read a few books on autism, which have helped a bit. However , I am a bit lost in understanding where neurodiversity ends and personality starts.

When we started dating, he told me he was divorced and had two teenage sons, who he saw every weekend. I accepted the fact that we would not be spending any weekend together.

I have been through the threshold of his flat but have never been invited in. I understood that some neurodiverse people do not like to share their place with other people. Again I accepted that fact.

He has a hobby, which he is very much into. I somewhat share this interest so we do spend time doing this hobby.

After one year, he started working nights. Between his work, hobby and kids, I feel we barely spend time together, only when it fits in his timetable. I know that his kids will always be his priority, but sometimes, the hobby becomes the priority, and I become bottom of the list.

He is somewhat unreliable, suggests activities but it leads nowhere. I believe this is linked to he fact that he does not want to spend any money on us as he is very generous with his children. For example, he said he wanted us to go on holiday together. So I started looking into things, a few weeks later, he said i don't want to go on holiday anymore. Meanwhile, he is happy to join me on a free holiday to my family's home.  Again, I can understand this, I read some neurodiverse people find it difficult to plan/organise and i understand that he is making sure his kids want for nothing, but is it the reason in this case or am I in the hands of an opportunist and a user? 

He often lies or does not share things. Last year, we broke up because he hid the fact that he was going on holiday with his ex wife and children and invented some amazing story of why he had to join them on that holiday. I know that neurodiverse people can struggle to communicate , but in this case , i am not sure it is  the problem.

The last thing , which I don't believe is a neurodiverse trait but I would love to be proven wrong, 2 years together and I haven t been introduced to his children nor to his family. It seems to me he does not want to commit.

I wanted to say that I know he is on the spectrum for sure and his son has been diagnosed with Asperger's when he was very young, so I have no doubt about that fact. I also have no doubt that he has feelings for me.

I believe that things take longer to happen with neurodiverse people, and I would be ready to  accept everything to make him comfortable and happy but at the same time, I don't want to be used.

I would be grateful for anyone's opinion/ knowledge, for anyone to tell me what is 'typical' neurodiverse and what is definitely not. Does this just look like a fear of commitment or something else?

Thank you so much for your help