I need physical friends, but I don't have the energy left to socialise. How do you manage this...?

a lot of my interests can be done alone, and i do do them alone. but I'd rather do them with others. like going to the cinema ... or a nice resturant. Surely you have something like that?

Well I think a lot of people do end up with 2nd. Nothing wrong with that per se. And it's hard to judge whether or not I should take the risk and share something more. I guess you have to try and make a judgement about the person you are sharing this with. It takes a degree of trust to share, and I guess that is the point. The other person may value the trust that you've placed in them by opening up. But you have to be prepared for rejection too and to move on.

I will take my own advice one day I’m sure but masking is a necessity for me right now. I have a partner who doesn’t accept my diversity and doesn’t even want to try and understand… it’s pretty much split our family down the middle. I do have friends but only friends that we have met as a couple, I don’t maintain the friendships as a Nt would come to expect as I find that too much hard work and overwhelming. I would love to get out there and meet some people with whom we share the same life experience. I do have a friend who is bipolar and adhd and although I have only known him for 10 years compared to my pretend friends (as I call them) we know each other so well. It’s a strange relationship as we don’t socialise at all and sometimes will not be in contact for months if not a year but we pick up pretty much where we left off. 
Zoey if you can meet some people like you it won’t be a case of being brave enough to reveal yourself, you will feel that comfortable you’ll just share that information. 
I really do wish you good luck 

Take care

I tend to text someone back and forth quite a bit, and then suggest a voice/video call when both parties are comfortable. 

Thank you for sharing a lovely theory. I think I always go straight to 'second' and end up with 'second'... somebody who meet me at first would surprise how I'm sharing my interests and opinions a lot (and they think I'm alien), and someone who I have relationship long-term like my partner, said I'm cold and they never felt my love to them because I'm very bad at sharing my feelings... (and they think I'm alien)

>  Lockdown was hell for the NT's ,but many autistic people were used to living like that.

This is totally true! Actually lockdown was heaven to me, no need to go to the office for work.
After Covid, my work insisted all employees to come back to the office, I couldn't stand with the stress and now I quit the job... Going out and surrounded by people, I just can't concentrate to anything

Thanks for sharing your story! I somehow struggle with imagine who they are actually, when I can only have text communication... if I can do video call that would be much better I guess.

SO difficult! So this may be no help. I'm no good at parties where people mingle randomly talking about random stuff. To enjoy an event there has to be a focus for me, something that interests me. The snag with that is that more often than not I don't meet people in any meaningful way, because the focus is on whatever it happens to be. Friendships have happened randomly over the years, but it's very definitely something that I can't make happen.

I did learn something a while back which might have helped me a little. Maybe it will help others. It's to do with there being different levels of communication. First level is the kind of small talk which is pretty meaningless in terms of letting people get to know you. The second is sharing thoughts and opinions. The third is sharing what you feel. Doing the latter makes you vulnerable in a way, but really allows people to see what makes you tick. I guess you are more likely to find people who are on your wavelength if you can find ways of opening up a little at times. Obviously it feels risky, but some people may warm to you (others may think you odd). Sometimes I think it's a risk worth taking.

Keeping a real life friendship is something that requires work.  If people haven't seen you for a while they will forget about you and/or assume that you no longer wish to see them.  Many autists need long periods of being by ourselves and that helps complicate our friendships.   The average neurotypical wants to socialise all the time.  Lockdown was hell for the NT's ,but many autistic people were used to living like that.

The friendships I've had in the past which have felt strong and been sustained were people I met online. We chatted over a fairly long period of time and then just went with it, assessing how each other felt and making sure we were on the same page.

It takes a lot of trial and error, I think.

some of the most life defining moment are her's with me.

she was suffering terribly for the few years before she passed so I was over joyed and sad because she was free to fly away. She came to see me for a time and she still shows up now and then for some interesting moments to share.vsometimes I read a loud to her. We are truly eternal. Cherish them now.

Yeah, maybe I need to be a little more brave to reveal my self and tell my needs to people. Thank you!!

> for me ND people are more interesting. 
I totally empathy with this feeling... but I still can't find sufficient opportunities that I can find ND who can be friends with!

hahaha thank you. For me the problem is that most of my activities for my interests I can do it alone (and I prefer do it alone too) and the socializing stuff is always something 'extra' to me. When I find right people there it would always be the best experience but if I don't I just disappoint and realize how I'm exhausted! I think I should lowern my expectation around this...

Oh no Uhane, I'm very sorry to hear your friends pass. I hope you spend great time with your important people in your life like it has been and always will be!

thanks Zoey. This one thing took me a long time to really 'get'. My best friend died (I'm 70) this year and it brought it home even more for me to cherish others while they are in my life.

Hey Zoey

You could perhaps let the people you socialise with know that you might have to excuse yourself after a while. Try and explain early on how you can get overwhelmed and if you cannot regulate this affects your mood and potentially the rest of your day. 
I do share your concerns though, even if I take part in something of great interest my social battery gets run down and I need to disappear. 

With me it’s a problem that I would like to have friends but I would like to be friends only with people who have interests similar to mine and who I could share my life experience with. My experience with NT people is that they totally don’t understand me and often gaslit me (even if not intentionally). And I struggle to find ND friends. Not all of course but for me ND people are more interesting. So i is have this problem plus I have specific expectations that make it even harder. As for now I didn’t find solutions for these problems. Currently I have no energy to socialize I often even have no energy to answer my phone or reply to a message, not using social media and still feeling tired..

kidnap them and keep them in your basement untill they get stockholm syndrome. I'm joking of course. I really haven't figured this out at all myself. Joining clubs used to work for me. But they had to center around my interests to maintain my atention / enthusiasem.

Hmm, for me it's always difficult to make things shorter. But yeah that make sense that I should be brave enough to cut my schedule shorter if it makes me exhausted... thanks!