Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi, I feel I deeply need some friends in my life, who I can socialise with offline (face to face) sometimes.
I don't know why, but finding friends online doesn't work for me.First, I can't keep my concentration on social media or videos on screen. Second, I feel I need to see/feel people's face and reactions to capture what's heppening to our relationships. If it's all online, I recognize myself becoming too hash (critical) and sometimes I may hurt people. I think it's because I can't see others reaction. If there's a physical presense, I can sense they're hurt or laughing or confusing or... I mean I can capture more information to understand the situation.
But contrary to my needs, physical communication or going out to new place make me exhausted.At the moment I don't work (I quit last year), and this means I don't have regular opportunities socialise. I tried joining some events for the last few months (like learning tech-trends, drawing pictures...etc), but joining groups of people I always feel awkward. Like I don't know what to speak... Yes I'm very bad at small talks… Sometimes I could find a person that I can talk well if we have any common interests, we ecxchange contacts, but… I don’t know what should I do after that (sending ’thanks for a lovely talks!’ each other, and our relationships ends)
And the biggest problem for me is my energy left.Joining events physically, keep chatting people online, set time to talk to people... everything for socializing burden me so much energy.If I set a meeting with my potential future friend at a cafe on one day, or if I participate 90minutes event, that consume my whole day energy and I feel I can't do anything else on that day (I can do some routine stuffs like chores, but I can't complete any tasks that I need concentration - e.g. writing resume, learnings).This means I want to go out to find new friends, but I can't because I can't spare my energy that much for this. Because I need to live my life too.
Is it common needs of socializing in face to face?If you have any physical friends, how and where did you find them and how do you maintain your friendships for long term???
this is going to be different for different people, and at different times.
Some people are exhausting. Some are energizing for short bursts.
All exchanges of a positive nature will be valuable.
One thing I have learned is that some people will move in and out of my life quickly but leave a deep impression, others I will see often yet always feel like passing acquaintances.
They are all welcome to a file drawer in my mind.
So perhaps It is best to go out and find an activity that will have people that share your interests and let them be part of your life for as long or as brief as that may be, and for as deep or superficial the lingering of their impressions.
I feel more fulfilled in my relations when I let them come and go. this is our modern world, it would seem.
One way of felling connected is to connect with ones own body and it's sense of place in the world is through playing with clay. or things in nature like flowers, plants, rocks, anything. these are also good friends!
Ohh thank you. you made me start thinking that maybe I was too nervous with the "come and go" style of relationship. It would be interesting perspective to me, I'll think about it more. Thank you!
thanks Zoey. This one thing took me a long time to really 'get'. My best friend died (I'm 70) this year and it brought it home even more for me to cherish others while they are in my life.
some of the most life defining moment are her's with me.
she was suffering terribly for the few years before she passed so I was over joyed and sad because she was free to fly away. She came to see me for a time and she still shows up now and then for some interesting moments to share.vsometimes I read a loud to her. We are truly eternal. Cherish them now.