How can I prevent mis-communication?

This question is of such import. thanks for posting.

•Sometimes it cannot be avoided as the other person's OS is not interfacing well with my own and there is not enough common 'code' that we can build on. Nothing personal.

•Another aspect is that some have extremely selective or poor memories, adopting trends in perspective that they then want to defend, as if it were a possession. They blithely modify or deny memories and remembered experiences to support those perspectives.

There is no way I know of to point out the actual facts in this kind of thinking that does not elicit ill will. I end up feeling vulnerable and just say things like "as you like", "just so", "well, there it is", or some such. I have a little pocketful of these defensive salvos. I lob one and walk away.  Best to walk and leave the other to their own devices. Opinions are as mercurial as mercury.

•If I have to accomplish something with others to get a thing done there's a way that sometimes works to bypass all the my-way-highway chest swellings that clog up the effort: masking.

1 - I try the "team" approach: We are as conspirators against a world gone mad and together we will get 'er done! I insist the other person take the credit in the end. I begin by thanking them for being there, or for answering the phone. This one is best for customer service on the phone.

2 - I might try flattery: This ones for in person interactions. It's always honest and based on observation. People especially like to have nails, hair, eye blows, or shoes etc. pointed out as pleasing features. "Is that a vintage Ryn Spooner? I love those shirts!." Then I sprinkle in aspects of the task at hand as we go along, making sure to come back to, say, the cute child's picture on the desk, or where did you get the nails done etc. Again, I begin by thanking them for being there, or for answering the phone. and give them all the credit at the end

Masking is exhausting and hurts but needs must at the DMV!

all this works SOME times.

This question is of such import. thanks for posting.

•Sometimes it cannot be avoided as the other person's OS is not interfacing well with my own and there is not enough common 'code' that we can build on. Nothing personal.

•Another aspect is that some have extremely selective or poor memories, adopting trends in perspective that they then want to defend, as if it were a possession. They blithely modify or deny memories and remembered experiences to support those perspectives.

There is no way I know of to point out the actual facts in this kind of thinking that does not elicit ill will. I end up feeling vulnerable and just say things like "as you like", "just so", "well, there it is", or some such. I have a little pocketful of these defensive salvos. I lob one and walk away.  Best to walk and leave the other to their own devices. Opinions are as mercurial as mercury.

•If I have to accomplish something with others to get a thing done there's a way that sometimes works to bypass all the my-way-highway chest swellings that clog up the effort: masking.

1 - I try the "team" approach: We are as conspirators against a world gone mad and together we will get 'er done! I insist the other person take the credit in the end. I begin by thanking them for being there, or for answering the phone. This one is best for customer service on the phone.

2 - I might try flattery: This ones for in person interactions. It's always honest and based on observation. People especially like to have nails, hair, eye blows, or shoes etc. pointed out as pleasing features. "Is that a vintage Ryn Spooner? I love those shirts!." Then I sprinkle in aspects of the task at hand as we go along, making sure to come back to, say, the cute child's picture on the desk, or where did you get the nails done etc. Again, I begin by thanking them for being there, or for answering the phone. and give them all the credit at the end

Masking is exhausting and hurts but needs must at the DMV!

all this works SOME times.

Thank you. I like that you see masking as needs-must. Unfortunately it’s necessary sometimes.