Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi all,
I am reaching out to ask how you felt when newly diagnosed as I have recently been diagnosed with both autism and ADHD at age 38 (female) and I am struggling a bit. On one hand, I feel a type of relief that it’s finally recognised but on the other I am sad and angry and questioning who I am after spending my whole life masking my true self. I also feel like I don’t want to wear this heavy burden anymore and I just want to be myself but it’s terrifying.
I am trying to read and learn as much as I can and I have been in talk therapy for a while but I’m not sure my counsellor is very neuroaffirming as she seems to link everything to trauma so I feel worried about talking to her about my feelings on this.
I have imposter syndrome and worry I’m not even autistic at all because my own preconceptions of autism are so wrong.
I guess I’d just like to speak to other people who may understand what I’m going through and offer some wisdom on how you’ve experienced this and navigated life going forwards? Thank you.
Hi and welcome to the forum.
The feelings you describe are exactly how I felt when I got my diagnosis last year. I wish there was some magic bullet that would make everything better but I'm afraid that there is not. The best thing to do is read and learn about autism and yourself.
Be kind to yourself when you grieve for the past buts and ifs. It will take time and I am sure someone further along their journey will impart their lived truths.
Thank you for your response Mr T. I think it’s useful for me to read other people’s experiences more than anything and to know that I’m not alone in these very confusing feelings.