Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi all,
I am reaching out to ask how you felt when newly diagnosed as I have recently been diagnosed with both autism and ADHD at age 38 (female) and I am struggling a bit. On one hand, I feel a type of relief that it’s finally recognised but on the other I am sad and angry and questioning who I am after spending my whole life masking my true self. I also feel like I don’t want to wear this heavy burden anymore and I just want to be myself but it’s terrifying.
I am trying to read and learn as much as I can and I have been in talk therapy for a while but I’m not sure my counsellor is very neuroaffirming as she seems to link everything to trauma so I feel worried about talking to her about my feelings on this.
I have imposter syndrome and worry I’m not even autistic at all because my own preconceptions of autism are so wrong.
I guess I’d just like to speak to other people who may understand what I’m going through and offer some wisdom on how you’ve experienced this and navigated life going forwards? Thank you.
Welcome and congratulations on your diagnoses!
It's wonderful that you're already enjoying some of the benefits that can come with a diagnosis (you mention feeling relieved).
During the period following a diagnosis - and for late-diagnosed autistic adults in particular - it can be common to experience some emotional dysregulation. This can include, for example, working through a phase where we experience (backward-focused) anger, frustration, grieving and more.
This may help to explain why you're currently feeling sad and angry.
Questioning your diagnosis can also be common, too.
The NAS has a newly refreshed set of articles focused around diagnosis, including one covering how you might feel during the subsequent days / weeks / months:
How you might feel after a diagosis: https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/diagnosis/after-diagnosis/how-will-i-feel-after-receiving-an-autism-diagnosi
Other advice covering post-diagnosis: https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/diagnosis/after-diagnosis
Thank you Bunny. I definitely do feel the relief but as I have lived many years not facing who I truly am, I feel quite overwhelmed at the moment and I really want to go in the right direction of living as authentically going forwards as I can.