Published on 12, July, 2020
I’m not quite sure how to word this, but does anyone else find it hard to have calm discussions with others due to seeing things as more black and white? I often feel really strongly about particular things and ignore the grey area and just get really defensive when someone seems to say anything slightly different to my own opinion. It takes me a while to understand and acknowledge different perspectives. After I’ve taken the (long) time to do so I can clearly see where they’re coming from and will maybe change my own view slightly as well, but it doesn’t necessarily get better the next time the topic comes up and I still react too strongly.
I'm very prone to a "knee jerk" reaction, which can lead me into confrontation. What I've discovered quite recently is that I often need time to process new information to integrate it into my thoughts so I can deal with it calmly. As often as not I'll find that I was right all along <ironic laughter!> It can be a big problem if I don't feel I have space to do this - I think this may have been the cause of meltdowns in my early years. I must find thinking space.
I find asking questions, instead of instantly reacting is a good way to give me some thinking space and to find out if it's actually worth actually bothering to talk with this person, or if they just want a good rant. If someone just wants a good rant, then I tend to just agree with them and make sympathetic noises unti they've got it out of thier system. If on the other hand, they've got some sort of ideology, behind what they're saying I'm more likely to just not engage with them, sometimes I will, it depends on how open they are, or if their ideology is a stick to beat others with.
There have been times when I have an ideological or principalled disagreement with someone/s where it's got really tense and I've wondered if it will end with violence. I will stand up for what I believe in and if it's a principal I won't give in.