Published on 12, July, 2020
I’m not quite sure how to word this, but does anyone else find it hard to have calm discussions with others due to seeing things as more black and white? I often feel really strongly about particular things and ignore the grey area and just get really defensive when someone seems to say anything slightly different to my own opinion. It takes me a while to understand and acknowledge different perspectives. After I’ve taken the (long) time to do so I can clearly see where they’re coming from and will maybe change my own view slightly as well, but it doesn’t necessarily get better the next time the topic comes up and I still react too strongly.
This has been a big problem of mine, and a constant cause of friction.
With age I have learnt to be more tolerant, which generally involves swallowing my tongue and letting people be wrong.
There are still times when I absolutely know I am factually and undeniably right, but I have learnt that it doesn't matter. People want to believe whatever they want to believe and things like logic and evidence don't matter and if I fight it then it only results in both parties being annoyed.
Fundamentally I just don't understand how, when you have all the evidence and still come to the wrong conclusion, then it feels like you are lying and that is what makes me angry. And then I get angry. But after many years, I've learned, it's just not worth it to even try. Let people be deluded and wrong about things. Move on with your life.
Some people have changed my mind about things, and I really appreciate that more than anything, because to me, learning that I was wrong is fascinating and exciting and I'm thankful to whomever enlightened me. I don't have an ego that cares about myself. I really only care about the truth and if I was wrong about something then I consider that a helpful thing to discover which improves my life. This is why neurodiverse people tend to me more interesting to interact with.
It seems for most people, being wrong is an emotion that they strongly feel which makes them very angry and causes them to attack anyone who made them challenge their views, so I've learned to opt out of most debates.
That post mirrors my own experience. You speak my truth too, and proabbaly better than I could manage..
Thank you.