Published on 12, July, 2020
I wanted to express this here to see whether I'm not the only one who experiences this. I'm diagnosed with autism but I strongly believe I have ADHD too. My dad is diagnosed with ADHD and we think he might also be autistic. When I was young my ADHD experience was internalized (and mostly still is) and since I wasn't stereotypically bouncing of the walls, this went unnoticed by many.
With me, my autism can cause me to hermitize and feel nervous about going out. What I believe to be my ADHD is strongly sensory seeking and quite gregarious as times, so when I go out (which is not often) I can be the memory of the night so to speak. I can also be very "all or nothing" if that makes sense. This experience can be challenging because I have the mental ability to understand how nuanced how life is in general, and it's this nuance that makes things more interesting.
I crave stimulus but can then feel overwhelmed by it. I strongly believe (and know through research) that ADHD brains are highly susceptible to addiction due to our natural dopamine levels. I'm lucky enough to have been raised in an environment where drugs were not a go to for me, and I don't overlook this. My phone has been the source of my overload and inevitable crash, especially TikTok. The dopamine hit I gain is strong but afterwards I feel lethargic and unable to form coherent thoughts. I can also experience headaches.
I've been managing my screen time better and feel more connected to the present moment, which is nice. I hope that some of this also allows others to relate.
Long before diagnosis I recognised the same paradox in my, craving company but not wanting to socialise. I think now perhaps it'll be more accurate to say I want to have a connection with a human being, but am aware that getting that with a NeuroT individual (who are the majority) is slim.
Fortunately I'm spending more and more time wit NeuroD people which make the moments of connections more and more common, plus I'm more and more open with all about my autism and how it effects my world perception. So i'm more capable of recognising when I'm doing something, or when I've received some information which upsets me etc. becoming more familiar with autism helps me to call out these things when they happen and put in strategies.
Like - TheCatWoman, I'm not much on social media, although my NeuroD children are, and for one the ability to connect with others across the globe has been her soul source of company after the decision to home school her due to her having such a horrible time in school. I mention this as I think quite often the internet, phones and social media get a very negative rap without the benefits being recognised.
I always like to remember that phones and accessibility to web content is here to stay, there will become a time when these children and teenagers will be in their 40's 50's and 60's, they'll be looking back on these days with fond memories - and no doubt criticising the youth of today for whatever they do. There attention spans not destroyed, their creativity not obliterated, their ability to form adult relationships intact.