Published on 12, July, 2020
As an autistic man I am cursed with a high sex drive aggravated in the summer. I'd rather be castrated than constantly suppress these urges being unable to find someone who also would like a sexual partnership.
I accepted that I'm a disgusting person and I will never be worthy of any kind of relationship, always looked down upon and gaslighted into blaming myself. I even renounced the neurodivergent labels because of the hypocrisy and ambiguousness.
I'm also a disgusting person. I had to MAKE MYSELF worthy of any relationship... It took time and perseverence.
I was gaslighted to an incredible degree ,which I am still discovering in my sixties. As you get older you gain the competence to JUDGE YOURSELF.
The route I found as a small, skint, messed-up young man was to skip the "sexual partner" thing altogether, and concentrate on the making myself a good LIFE PARTNER.
TBH, I saw it as a choice between either "work on myself, or, die a lonely miserable death", and I chose life.