Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi
in Mid may I had an assessment and this confirmed most things for me. It was a sort of release knowing why I was who I am.
However, of the people I have told. A couple have said they were not surprised One was supportive. From the rest just silence. This was thrown into sharp relief over the weekend after having some time with relatives Sat night my wife said I was high masking autistic.
From that point on hardly a word was said. If this was just once I would have past it off. But it isn’t it almost like nobody wants to acknowledge it. It’s bad enough having conversations with people at the best of times but when they clam up. It just makes life more awkward for them. I’m happy not talking particularly as I feel the assessment was a positive step in understanding who, why and what I am and the same for what I do.
Out of curiosity has anyone else had this experience.
I was diagnosed last year and don't have many people in my life to tell. My partner told several close family members almost immediately, without checking with me first. That felt pretty annoying, but no harm was intended and I later explained that I'd prefer to tell people myself, as and when I felt ready and prepared.
An autistic person (Cynthia) within the diagnosis-related NAS resources says: "Disclosure makes people uncomfortable. Most people don’t know what to say.":
Autistic adult and parent experiences of disclosing
Whilst my experience of disclosing is limited, I feel that this is likely to be a very common reaction with others who I might tell - and could perhaps explain your relatives' reactions (or lack thereof). I don't think they meant to be rude or make you feel awkward, although sadly it seems to have worked out that way for all of you.
I'm already mentally preparing for a big (in my terms) family gathering that hasn't even been organised yet.
My feeling is that, after telling them formally (although I'm assuming that most of them already know, thanks to loose family lips), I should then immediately follow up myself with some kind of brief summary of what autism is (because some of them may know nothing or very little at all), what the diagnosis has meant for me, what I'd like it to mean / not mean for them (in terms of their interactions with me) and so on. I may well need a script or prompt cards for this, or at least to have something like that to hand in case the situation puts me in a panic.
A brief "educational ice-breaker" is how I'm thinking of it - something that will help to explain (in very top level, quick terms) what autism is, how I'm affected by it, and that offers an invitation for them to ask questions if they'd like to.
I think that doing this will also help to fill what could otherwise be a super-uncomfortable aftermath and give people some thinking and processing time. If no-one has any questions straight away, I can just finish up by leaving that invitation open.
Just my thoughts, for whatever they might be worth.