Silence

I find the general lack of interest in autism to be frustrating, because my late diagnosis is a life-changing event and post-diagnosis grief is difficult to deal with (grief at the late realisation and what could have been different in my life, *not* grief because I'm autistic).

However, I have to sympathise with people, as they may not want to say anything that's incorrect and unintentionally offensive, so it's easier for them to stay silent about autism.

PS. Along with - or instead of - my thoughts below, I've just seen some great advice in another thread from Uhane, which could also help in any similar situations:

Uhane said:

When you speak and there is silence afterwards, don't hesitate to mention the last thing another person in the group said. then go back to that subject with a question about that subject.. let them take the floor. and all is well.

Pretty similar responses to my diagnosis. (Mostly lack of responses). I think people don't really like to make a deal out of *anything* and this is no exception. I've not been treated any differently, so that's good. I think my compromise is that I still mask but escape when I want to, but people are less likely to judge me badly for it.

I was diagnosed last year and don't have many people in my life to tell. My partner told several close family members almost immediately, without checking with me first. That felt pretty annoying, but no harm was intended and I later explained that I'd prefer to tell people myself, as and when I felt ready and prepared.

An autistic person (Cynthia) within the diagnosis-related NAS resources says: "Disclosure makes people uncomfortable. Most people don’t know what to say.":

Autistic adult and parent experiences of disclosing

Whilst my experience of disclosing is limited, I feel that this is likely to be a very common reaction with others who I might tell - and could perhaps explain your relatives' reactions (or lack thereof). I don't think they meant to be rude or make you feel awkward, although sadly it seems to have worked out that way for all of you.

I'm already mentally preparing for a big (in my terms) family gathering that hasn't even been organised yet.

My feeling is that, after telling them formally (although I'm assuming that most of them already know, thanks to loose family lips), I should then immediately follow up myself with some kind of brief summary of what autism is (because some of them may know nothing or very little at all), what the diagnosis has meant for me, what I'd like it to mean / not mean for them (in terms of their interactions with me) and so on. I may well need a script or prompt cards for this, or at least to have something like that to hand in case the situation puts me in a panic.

A brief "educational ice-breaker" is how I'm thinking of it - something that will help to explain (in very top level, quick terms) what autism is, how I'm affected by it, and that offers an invitation for them to ask questions if they'd like to.

I think that doing this will also help to fill what could otherwise be a super-uncomfortable aftermath and give people some thinking and processing time. If no-one has any questions straight away, I can just finish up by leaving that invitation open.

Just my thoughts, for whatever they might be worth.