Published on 12, July, 2020
Hmmm.......so 4 months into my 'diagnosed' state (48yo), and I'm not feeling a whole heap of acceptance. I am still feeling quite bitter and resentful. Everything I see around me in life and at work seems to have been, and continues to be, designed with a slightly different species in mind.
I have started reading this forum more often, even though I'm scared of keep seeing my reflection in these threads, and am following some overtly divergent contributors on Facebook. I was skeptical that at my age, with my history, that I could somehow find 'inner peace' (I mean, really - what the hell is that even supposed to mean?), but at the moment I'm heading in the opposite direction. Those long-cherished hopes of finding the right therapy, the right antidepressant to 'sort me out' seem absurd.
I recall seeing a quite old entry on here where a user refers to feeling much better about the state of things 4 years in. FOUR YEARS? (yes, I am shouting). I don't think I can maintain even the current crumbling facade for another 3+ years. Especially now I recognize the effort I am putting in, and the energy this costs me.
JamesB said:I recall seeing a quite old entry on here where a user refers to feeling much better about the state of things 4 years in. FOUR YEARS? (yes, I am shouting). I don't think I can maintain even the current crumbling facade for another 3+ years. Especially now I recognize the effort I am putting in, and the energy this costs me.
Uhane is right, and by way of apology for my previous conduct let me say, that your experince mirrors my own, AND you have put your finger very neatly on the down side of learning that you are Autistsic.
I'm nearly four years in now, and a large degree of my self identity has returned, and in some ways I have been enriched by the experience, yet in others very much humbled.
It doesn't all get magicaly better, it does not get worse post diagnosis, as far as I can see.
HOWEVER, having effectvely lived over a half century effectively fighting the battle of life with only one hand (autism) and being blidnfolded, (partly the autism partly not knowing I had it) my victories seem sweeter and my failures less "searing".
Life dealt me a crap hand, and i've played it reasonably well whilst figuring out the game as I went along...
thanks IS! this is what will help our newly arrived kin.