Published on 12, July, 2020
Hmmm.......so 4 months into my 'diagnosed' state (48yo), and I'm not feeling a whole heap of acceptance. I am still feeling quite bitter and resentful. Everything I see around me in life and at work seems to have been, and continues to be, designed with a slightly different species in mind.
I have started reading this forum more often, even though I'm scared of keep seeing my reflection in these threads, and am following some overtly divergent contributors on Facebook. I was skeptical that at my age, with my history, that I could somehow find 'inner peace' (I mean, really - what the hell is that even supposed to mean?), but at the moment I'm heading in the opposite direction. Those long-cherished hopes of finding the right therapy, the right antidepressant to 'sort me out' seem absurd.
I recall seeing a quite old entry on here where a user refers to feeling much better about the state of things 4 years in. FOUR YEARS? (yes, I am shouting). I don't think I can maintain even the current crumbling facade for another 3+ years. Especially now I recognize the effort I am putting in, and the energy this costs me.
I was diagnosed in January at the age of 53 so i completely recognise where you are coming from. I have been through a grieving period but i do feel i'm coming out of that. Try to celebrate the small wins whatever they may be. Knowing & understanding yourself better can only be a positive over time.
At age 53 now, having been diagnosed in 2021, those of us who came through the madness of Covid also had to deal with a grieving process of the world that we once knew in our teens in the 1980’s and before Covid has all but gone, everything from the watershed moments of Y2K to 9/11 and Covid and everything else in between - I was heavily involved in the gay scene for a long time until I saw it implode from within which is why I returned to my Irish family values and my traditional Catholic faith - when Covid first happened at the end of 2019 and into the beginning of 2020, being very awake as to what was really happening and what was to come later on, aside from any other issues, I recall feeling a deep sense of sadness and heartbreak, as I almost knew exactly what was about to happen and that our world that we once knew was going to be turned upside down and turned into a dumpster fire, as no one can make any sense of evil (and I have tried to do so) - even now, 4 years after Covid, we are witnessing our world disintegrating