So how long does this "acceptance" sh*t take then?

Hmmm.......so 4 months into my 'diagnosed' state (48yo), and I'm not feeling a whole heap of acceptance. I am still feeling quite bitter and resentful. Everything I see around me in life and at work seems to have been, and continues to be, designed with a slightly different species in mind.

I have started reading this forum more often, even though I'm scared of keep seeing my reflection in these threads, and am following some overtly divergent contributors on Facebook. I was skeptical that at my age, with my history, that I could somehow find 'inner peace' (I mean, really - what the hell is that even supposed to mean?), but at the moment I'm heading in the opposite direction. Those long-cherished hopes of finding the right therapy, the right antidepressant to 'sort me out' seem absurd. 

I recall seeing a quite old entry on here where a user refers to feeling much better about the state of things 4 years in. FOUR YEARS? (yes, I am shouting). I don't think I can maintain even the current crumbling facade for another 3+ years. Especially now I recognize the effort I am putting in, and the energy this costs me.

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  • Its hard! I am making an effort to connect with other neurodiverse people. These are who i want to be with. 

    I have been coming to terms with being Autistic and having ADHD, for the past 16 months. Its a relief, but its still hard. One step forward, two steps back. No 2 days the same. Some good, some not so good.  I do definatly see the wirld differently, i have realised. So we have to find what is "right" for us, what is good for us. Tired, and overwhelmed. What should i do? Where should i go? The feeling of not belonging has been with me all my life. So swimming is good for me. I go alone from chouce. In the water i feel nothing. Sleep is lovely. Not depressed, despite being orescribed Antidepressants all my adult life. They just numb evetything. Dealing with lifes challenges is exhausting. 

    Having said all this, i have reached acceptance and dropped my mask which is liberating. Inner peace, i feel sometimes. I cant battle anymore. Im 60! 10 years off 70! 

    Make effort for what you recognise is good for you.

    Whats it all about? 

    I think we can be our own therapist. There are no quick fixes. Tired, tired, tired x

Reply
  • Its hard! I am making an effort to connect with other neurodiverse people. These are who i want to be with. 

    I have been coming to terms with being Autistic and having ADHD, for the past 16 months. Its a relief, but its still hard. One step forward, two steps back. No 2 days the same. Some good, some not so good.  I do definatly see the wirld differently, i have realised. So we have to find what is "right" for us, what is good for us. Tired, and overwhelmed. What should i do? Where should i go? The feeling of not belonging has been with me all my life. So swimming is good for me. I go alone from chouce. In the water i feel nothing. Sleep is lovely. Not depressed, despite being orescribed Antidepressants all my adult life. They just numb evetything. Dealing with lifes challenges is exhausting. 

    Having said all this, i have reached acceptance and dropped my mask which is liberating. Inner peace, i feel sometimes. I cant battle anymore. Im 60! 10 years off 70! 

    Make effort for what you recognise is good for you.

    Whats it all about? 

    I think we can be our own therapist. There are no quick fixes. Tired, tired, tired x

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