Published on 12, July, 2020
Hmmm.......so 4 months into my 'diagnosed' state (48yo), and I'm not feeling a whole heap of acceptance. I am still feeling quite bitter and resentful. Everything I see around me in life and at work seems to have been, and continues to be, designed with a slightly different species in mind.
I have started reading this forum more often, even though I'm scared of keep seeing my reflection in these threads, and am following some overtly divergent contributors on Facebook. I was skeptical that at my age, with my history, that I could somehow find 'inner peace' (I mean, really - what the hell is that even supposed to mean?), but at the moment I'm heading in the opposite direction. Those long-cherished hopes of finding the right therapy, the right antidepressant to 'sort me out' seem absurd.
I recall seeing a quite old entry on here where a user refers to feeling much better about the state of things 4 years in. FOUR YEARS? (yes, I am shouting). I don't think I can maintain even the current crumbling facade for another 3+ years. Especially now I recognize the effort I am putting in, and the energy this costs me.
I appreciate that it may not seem like much in the way of consolation, but it can be entirely normal for us late-diagnosed adults to feel more emotionally dysregulated in the periods following our diagnosis than we did beforehand. There's some info about that here:
Common reactions to receiving an autism diagnosis
Rather than overwhelm you with a long reading list, I'd like to just recommend two books that I found (and am still finding) very useful in the immediate aftermath of my own diagnosis.
JamesB said:Those long-cherished hopes of finding the right therapy
For this, I strongly recommend The Autistic Survival Guide to Therapy - Paperback - 21 Feb 2024 - by Steph Jones
"In this candid, witty and insightful exploration into therapy, Steph Jones uses her professional and lived experiences as a late diagnosed autistic woman and therapist, as well as consulting therapists from across the world and tapping into the autistic community, to create the ultimate autistic survival guide to therapy."
This helped me to request and obtain counselling (rather than therapy such as CBT, which I'd tried previously) with an ND-experienced counsellor. Unlike previous efforts, I'm finding this very helpful - which is not to say that other types of therapy can't / won't help you or others - we're all wonderfully different :)
But I should also add that I wasn't yet ready, at four months post diagnosis, to start it. I very intentionally waited a little longer until I felt that my internal turmoil (including anger, frustration, etc) had calmed down enough that I could approach it in a constructive and focused enough way.
For general tips around various aspects of life and work that are presented in a very easy-to-read, pick and mix format, I recommend Self-Care for Autistic People: 100+ Ways to Recharge, De-Stress, and Unmask! - Hardcover - 25 April 2024 - by Dr. Megan Anna Neff.
JamesB said:the right antidepressant to 'sort me out'
I been chasing this goal myself recently. The rules here (rightly) don't allow us to offer medical advice and direct us instead to recommend seeking professional advice. Speaking in general terms, I tried very hard to find the right antidepressant for myself, but failed to find one that fitted my needs and/or didn't cause intolerable issues with side effects. I'm currently finding good benefit from medical cannabis, so this might be something to consider if you haven't yet done so.
For me, my diagnosis turned out to be much more of a starting point than a solution-rich conclusion. It's a journey - and my post-diagnosis reactions have settled down a lot, some 10 months or so later.
I hope that some, at least, of these reflections and suggestions might be helpful for you.
Bunny said:Speaking in general terms, I tried very hard to find the right antidepressant for myself, but failed to find one that fitted my needs and/or didn't cause intolerable issues with side effects. I'm currently finding good benefit from medical cannabis, so this might be something to consider if you haven't yet done so.
Initially, I got all the unwanted side effects from cannabis when I started using it, but it still helped me be more sanguine and stay out of trouble.
It can be scary adn frignetening on occasion, being stoned, but at lest with cannabis, no one has actually been able to O/D on it yet, so the (100% effectve) antidote to any bad effects for me is to simply lie down and sleep it off.
It DOES reduce your "will to win", which in trun translates directly into a refusal to accept stress or any of the other other forms of NT bull-puckey which is both good and bad, but certanily is a change I see in most if not all regular cannabis users.
Now I need my hands, this bifta won't roll itself...
When I used to go out socialising on the gay scene, I hated the loud music in gay venues and I hated the feeling of being “tipsy” as I was no longer in control and it was the same with being “high” on one drug or another, so much a part of the gay scene - music at full volume in a gay venue or at a gay pride event does nothing to promote real understanding, because meaningful conversations are prevented from taking place and the programmed narrative of the gay agenda is being relentlessly pushed - an ever increasing number of gay people feel the same way
Orange juice and vit C in general are good for stopping a whitey, or at least leaving you managebly stoned. I find cannabis helps me too, one of the best things for me is that unlike other drugs you can decide just how much you need at a time. Being allergic to all pain meds except paracetamol, the stuff is a life saver.
A will to win is a bit of a luxury to my mind, to my miind acceptance is better, constant striving is exhausting and so many people are never content no matter how much they achieve.
JamesB, I was 50 when diagnosed, no diagnosis or type of drug is going to make you instantly better, or certainly not for anything more complicated than a headache. For me diagnosis gave me a starting place in yet another round of trying to fix myself and I realised that I was fixed, but that I needed some internal adjustments. I stopped trying to "be like everyone else" and just started being fully and authentically me, I dropped my masks, maybe a bit to quickly, as I had to look at each one and find out what they were for, now I can pick them up and put them on according to the situation, but most of the time I choose not too.
I think the inner peace comes from acceptance, acceptance of who you are and acceptance of others being who they are and not being attached to outcomes you have no control over. It's not easy, it's hard, you've had 48 years of being this person who thinks they're not ASD, now you've had 4 months of being the same person but with ASD, don't you think you're being a bit hard on yourself? Accepting isn't the same as giving up, it knowing that the path you thought you were following has sort of petered out and you have some new paths diverging from it and you get to choose which one to take. I can't tell you what the paths are, they're you're paths and you have to explore them for yourself.