Published on 12, July, 2020
Hmmm.......so 4 months into my 'diagnosed' state (48yo), and I'm not feeling a whole heap of acceptance. I am still feeling quite bitter and resentful. Everything I see around me in life and at work seems to have been, and continues to be, designed with a slightly different species in mind.
I have started reading this forum more often, even though I'm scared of keep seeing my reflection in these threads, and am following some overtly divergent contributors on Facebook. I was skeptical that at my age, with my history, that I could somehow find 'inner peace' (I mean, really - what the hell is that even supposed to mean?), but at the moment I'm heading in the opposite direction. Those long-cherished hopes of finding the right therapy, the right antidepressant to 'sort me out' seem absurd.
I recall seeing a quite old entry on here where a user refers to feeling much better about the state of things 4 years in. FOUR YEARS? (yes, I am shouting). I don't think I can maintain even the current crumbling facade for another 3+ years. Especially now I recognize the effort I am putting in, and the energy this costs me.
Forget "acceptance" you'll never get it. Try "servitude" instead.
Because, when my Autistic Army is fully formed and operational we will MAKE THEM SERVE US!!!
Nothing else will do.
Acceptance of the self not seeking from others, if you do that you're on a hiding to nothing, I think people are drawn to those who accept themselves, you have to be careful though as there are 'a lot of assholes looking for a human being to attach themselves to'
Servents are a pain in the bum, it ends up easier and quicker to do things myself rather than have to explain the minutae of what I want done and how I want it done to people that don't have two brain cells to bang together.